Discipline

I wish someone would write a book on disciplining a child with cancer. I'm serious, it's a whole new realm. I mentioned before that it's very normal for a child with cancer to regress. They regress with potty training and in development and Nathan's no exception unfortunately. I hear horror stories a lot from the nurses and child life specialist about how children act post cancer. The problem is these children are catered to for a long time (that time length depends on their treatment). They're given gifts a lot and special privileges and very often become the center of attention. It's very common for a child in Nathan's situation to visit a child psychologist and developmental specialist and I'm told that usually when treatments are done they catch back up to their peers with time, but then there's the spoiled factor you have to deal with. You now have a cancer free tyrant on your hands.

Sadly I'm noticing some of these traits in Nathan already. I'm having a hard time telling the difference between Nathan being in pain or just acting up. Besides that Nathan is taking a ton of very heavy medications every day, some which have side effects that alter his moods drastically. So where does discipline fit into this equation? I have already had two times where he was acting out and it would've been really easy for me to assume it was bad behavior but then a test is done and something is discovered that is extremely painful and it was pain and the acting out may have been his way of alerting us. Right before Nathan was diagnosed his behavior changed drastically and honestly his constant 'bad' behavior coupled with physical changes in his face is what really lead to us questioning something being seriously wrong with him. A lot of the stress now comes in just dealing with his ever changing personality and trying to figure out what needs discipline and what needs a call to his doctor.

There's times where I can tell direct disobedience but because of the possibility of low blood platelets Nathan can't be whooped and truthfully time outs have never worked for him. So now what? I'm trying to get more creative but there's times I think to myself "If I could just pop him one good time I could get this situation under control."

Again I don't allow direct disobedience. The other day Nathan begged for some noodles to eat. After eating a noodle he decided he didn't want it and wanted something else, when he didn't get his way quick enough he flipped the entire plate onto the floor...truthfully he needed popped. So anyway I have a plate of noodles on the floor and he's begging for something else to eat...In a healthy normal situation after he got popped he wouldn't have gotten anything else, as a punishment he would've skipped that meal altogether. Problem now is I have a child who's getting chemo which alters the way food taste, most chemo patients say the food taste metallic-couple that with sores in your mouth and in Nathan's case an extremely sore throat along with the fact that he's three and as you know most three year olds are extremely picky eaters anyhow. Nathan needs as many calories as possible and needs to be able to eat whenever he want. Refusing food for him right now is a very bad thing for his health. During his treatment he's going to experience calorie losses so it's important for him to eat a ton whenever he can. So now what do I do in this situation?

I'm being patient with him and Sam is too. The doctors all say he's one of their best patients and for the most part he does really good when he's at the hospital. He has had a few days when he was very uncooperative but at the hospital they're quick to jump on board offering him toys to calm him etc. The other day he was allowed to get a toy from the toy box they have and he threw a fit when he couldn't find a car in it. Well I closed it and remained calm (no really I did) and said "Well Nathan you get nothing." That started a firestorm of protests from him that a good pop would've quieted, but I gotta watch that platelet thing so I didn't. Meanwhile one of the nurses went off on a mission and found him a hotwheels car. Another time he saw a toy grocery cart in the hospital that he wanted to play with (they have a ton of toys for the kids). He wanted it immediately but it had to be cleaned because another child had it. Well having to wait until it was cleaned started another huge firestorm that again a pop would've been needed but of course I didn't. And I didn't allow him to have the cart either.

The cancer is still relatively new and I'm sure as time goes along we'll get some sort of system down. It's just a concern because he has huge blowouts so often and now has a little sister who doesn't understand cancer and wants to emulate him. Thankfully I know a lot of parents who also have issues with physical aggression and we don't have that problem with Nathan at all, it's just more so whining and crying the majority of the day (no exaggeration). Sam and I want to help him but it's hard to help a screaming child especially if you're not sure when he's in legitimate pain.

We're staying patient, he's been through so much already that we as his parents can't understand but I do know that discipline is extremely important regardless. It's important to us and it's important to our Savior and we know that Nathan is a very sick little boy who's not verbal right now so we're being patient.

Dear Lord,

Tonight I just come to you praying for discernment. I truly don't want to be in the wrong with disciplining Nathan especially right now. I know that no matter what Sam and I do we're going to make mistakes but I just really don't want to punish when there's legitimate pain. The problem is Lord at times I'm having trouble telling the difference. Sometimes it's very obvious and at other times it's not so obvious. It's just another area that I have to seek you. I know he can't get away with not being disciplined but I need creative ideas on how to do it and when to apply it and in what situation.

In Jesus Name
Amen