Updates

Today at clinic, Nathan's doctors took him off of all of his medicines except one that he'll have to take for about 6 months!!!! This is so exciting for us!!!!!!

We're looking at either January 27th or 28th for his scans to see if he's in remission. The doctor said based off of his past history it's looking good.

Nathan enjoyed a wonderful Christmas!!! The doctor said in a few months we can resume any activities he enjoys!!!! He can also return to church in a few months!!! Yay!!! Though I'm not sure how he's going to act because he's been out of church so long, he's not really used to having to sit still.

I'll post more updates toward the end of January after the scans!!!! Remember no news is good news :-)

I Will Find A Way - Fred Hammond

I just love this song and wanted to post it. God Bless

He's Done

I can't put into words what we're feeling right now. Nathan is officially coming off of treatment!!!!! His last day of chemo was yesterday and today he's home!!!! I'm so excited!

I can't gather the emotions I've felt. I've been in really good spirits. I sat down on Wed. night and just reflected on how this all began, in January Nathan was in a ton of pain and couldn't even move his left eye at all. Diagnosed with stage 3 cancer the doctors couldn't even tell us anything except the medicine they were going to try. They couldn't guarantee anything.

I've seen a lot this year and I have to thank God over and over. We don't have a declaration of remission yet and I'm not going to worry over the future. For now I'm just glad to be celebrating this present milestone.

It's been a long year, we said goodbye to the people on the floor today and had a mini celebration full of gifts and hugs. I almost got emotional when the resident walked in who sat with me the first week of Nathan's diagnosis, a ton of memories came back.

It's bittersweet. I've spent a ton of time on that floor and I genuinely love the staff and families like my own family. I've hung out in the hall at the desk many times at midnight and beyond talking to them and laughing when Nathan was asleep, I'll truly miss them. It was funny because as we hugged we knew as much as we all loved each other we never wanted to see each again at least not on that floor :-).

Dear Lord,

I thank you. As weird as it may sound to those who may not understand I thank you for what we went through this year. It drove us to our knees in ways I never thought were possible. I thank you for the hard times, I thank you for the good times. I thank you for the lessons learned.

The most important thing to me right now Lord is that we don't forget. I've been reading the Old Testament lately in Leviticus and Numbers about the grumbling and complaining of the Israelites. It seems so stupid to me. They saw all the plagues in Egypt, they literally saw a sea part right in front of their eyes yet they still grumbled and complained against you.

Lord I don't want to become them. I don't want to forget this ordeal. I saw you in action throughout this year. I've kept my sanity this year thanks only to you. You've been my strength and my comfort. You've changed my entire perspective and I don't want to go back to the way I was before. I want to continue learning and growing and I truly want this family to be used by you.

In the end let your will be done.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Welcome to the North Pole!!!!!!

Nathan had a wonderful time!!!!!! Unfortunately he didn't make it into any of the news shots :-( he was off somewhere when I was on talking!

Happy Birthday Nathan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nathan will be 4 tomorrow (December 6th)!

Seriously at the beginning of this year I didn't know if Nathan would make it to see his birthday but by God's grace not only has he made it but he's doing really well!!!!! Thank you Lord!!!!!

Update

Hi!!!

Just a quick update.

Nathan ended up going for Chemo on Tuesday. I told the doctor to give him every anti nausea medicine on the books and it helped. He didn't throw up as much this time.

He needed a blood transfusion on Wednesday but was able to go home Wednesday evening.

His floor had a huge Thanksgiving dinner for the patients and their families. It was really nice!!!

Nathan is recovering pretty good this time. He's been pretty tired but he's home and we're thankful for that!!!!!

One more hospital stay left!!!!! Next month will be it and then he'll get his last scans in January!!! I'm praying they come back clear! It's been a llllooooonnnnnngggggg year!!!!!!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at home. Sam and I put together a nice dinner, a lady from church contributed to it with the BEST macaroni and cheese you've ever eaten. LOL secretly when we found out she was gonna cook it for us we were pretty glad that no one else could come so we got it all to ourselves (greedy I know).

I'll update more later as I'm kind of in a rush. Keep a friend of mine in prayer. I met a new mother at the hospital last week who's 9 month old was just diagnosed with leukemia the week before.

My heart goes out to this husband and wife. I remember all too vividly the first time we heard Nathan had cancer. I talked to her for quite awhile. They have 4 children all together ages 5 and under. They're a WONDERFUL family. Please keep them in prayer because they have a long road ahead and they're just starting out.

Leukemia is different from Nathan's cancer, thankfully Nathan got to come home a lot but Leukemia patients sometimes stay months at a time and for this little guy and their family it's no different, but please pray because as soon as flu season hits the siblings won't be allowed at the hospital (This happened to us last year with Peyton). And it's really hard to be separated from your other children to take care of one, it puts such a strain on the family that most people just can't understand. Anyway, she's been heavy on my mind so I'm asking everyone to take a minute and pray for her.

Sophie Scholl

Seriously, I just watched the best movie ever and wanted to share it with you.

It's about Sophie Scholl. Have you guys heard of her? Well neither had I until last week. I was listening to Family Life last week and Barbara Rainey mentioned her saying she was a courageous person. Most of you know that I'm a history buff. I love history, maybe I should've majored in that instead of computers in college. Anyway I looked her up and her story is so inspiring. You can read about her here.

Then I went to Youtube to see if anyone had posted any history videos on there and found this movie of her final days and watched it. Below is the trailer. And below that is the first part of the movie. You can rent it or watch the entire movie on youtube. Whoever LiberalDemocrat83 is out there, they posted the entire thing so below is part one and you can follow the links to find the rest of the parts (I think there's 16 total). Such an inspiring movie.

It's all in a different language with subtitles and truthfully that made the movie all the more fantastic, suspenseful, and interesting in my opinion. Seriously when I started it I couldn't stop, though I had too because Nathan woke up early from his nap...followed by Peyton :-) But then I picked it up later on and finished it. Hope you guys enjoy learning about Sophie as much as I did.

Oh and if you have a netflix account you can stream it online here!!!!

God Bless

This is the Trailer for the movie

This is Part 1 of the movie

The Many Blessings

You know I've shown my hurt, anger, and all that stuff on here but have I told you about the many blessings we've received this year? Maybe with Thanksgiving coming I should stop and do that.

Me and the hubby were up to 2am the other night talking about a ton of stuff and he made a statement that might sound odd to you. He said he's thankful for every rough thing that's happened to us this year. How can anyone be thankful for this????

Is he saying he's glad Nathan got cancer? Of course not. But alot of things of happened this year. There's been cancer, apraxia, busyness, A LOT of extra expenses...I could go on but you get the picture. The year has truly been filled with trials, but one thing we can both agree on is that it's brought a ton of blessings that I'll list and talk about.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT

I think one of the most valuable lessons has been learning what's important and what really matters. And believe it or not it's not always the cliche answer you might expect. "As long as everyone's healthy then it's all good."

That matters as well but truthfully we're not going to live forever. Our loved ones are going to get sick and die or be taken from us instantly, so something else has to matter more to you than just that statement.

What matters most is Christ. He's our strength. He's our ever present help.

This year has literally driven us to our knees in a huge way. And God has always risen to the occasion. When I needed comfort which has been the most important thing to me this year I got that. When strength was needed it was provided. It's been an invaluable lesson.

MY CALLING/HIS CALLING

I'm not going to talk about what Sam discovered about himself through all of this but it's something he learned in this situation that's his to share however he chooses (and it's terrific btw).

But I've learned that being a homemaker is truly my calling. It's not popular. It's counter cultural. It sounds...well weird. It's heavily frowned upon. And it's absolutely wonderful, it's exactly what God called me to do.

Sometimes when I write I am really down because of the cancer and it is so hard to watch when Nathan is really sick. But at the same time I have to remind myself that Nathan and Peyton are going to go through a lot growing up and though it isn't going to be easy for them I don't want them to feel like a burden to me.

It's been a joy to be able to hold Nathan when he's sick. It's been my pleasure to learn about Apraxia and to take him to speech therapy and to work with him one on one at home. It's HARD work, but it's valuable. To see him and Peyton learning everyday has been wonderful.

And this isn't to start the argument over whether women should work outside the home etc. I really don't care, everyone's calling in life is different.

But it's nice when you don't feel a reason to keep searching anymore. If you've found your calling in life you know what I mean. If you're still searching or if you know it but aren't doing it yet then that can be stressful. But once you've found it and that 'aha moment' comes you can rest a little.

I've been doing this for four years already and I've always liked it, now I have a sense of excitement and thanks.

A friend of mine has a son with MS and she said sometimes as hard as it is she has to still stop and thank God for trusting her to be able to handle it. My thanks is not only that but also thanks for providing me the strength to handle it and giving me the time to be home to devote myself to it.

SEEING THE KIDS IN A WHOLE NEW LIGHT

This one has been huge for both Sam and me. I pray a lot over how to parent Nathan and Peyton because truthfully I really don't know what I'm doing.

That doesn't mean I'm not confident as a parent, but I'm not an expert in child rearing. I just pray a lot and try to bring glory to God in what I do, and try (emphasis on try) to admit when I've made a mistake.

But one prayer that's been consistent for me is that I want to learn Nathan and Peyton's personalities.

I've learned that in a huge way through this situation. I've gained such a sense of pride watching Nathan battle this disease. It's been amazing. I watch him walking through the hospital and I realize that he's a pretty friendly and polite little guy. I wish I could take all the credit for that but some of that is just him. He speaks to everyone and he has a confidence about himself that I love.

I can sit back in the chair when the doctors come in because he'll hop up on the table and open his mouth, lift up his little arms etc. He follows directions really well. And honestly I have no issues with him wearing his mask in the hospital.

Peyton has adjusted to her new situation as well. She can't wait to go to her Grandparents to stay and she adjusted to that immediately in the beginning. She makes sure Nathan takes all of his medicines. She checks up on him, she's become a regular 'little mommy' around here.

This year through off the entire family but both children handled it with ease and I'm thankful for that.

STRENGTH

I think Sam and I are stronger as a couple. This situation can easily kill a marriage and though it's been hard I honestly think it made us better as husband and wife. I think we laugh more, our gaols for our family are completely in line with each other. Our goals have changed from what they were last year but they totally lined up.

Sam has been my strength in this. I'm so glad God called him to lead our home and he's been a great leader.

Cancer affects mothers and fathers differently. In addition to dealing with the cancer Sam still has to provide for his family etc and he's done a great job at it. I also admired him but that's through the roof now.

SUFFERING

I learned about suffering and this one is important. John MacArthur said this:

" Suffering produces good. Why? We learn how to deal with pain and therefore we learn how to help others deal with it. We learn compassion. We learn patience. We learn gentleness. We learn trust. We experience grace from God and mercy and sustenance."

This is most important. I LOVE talking to God. I actually love to pray. I love the fact that at anytime I can talk to him and that he HEARS me.

Suffering has reminded me that one day all of this will be over and we'll spend eternity with him, we just have to get through the mess down here first. No matter what suffering is temporary. No matter how long it last, it's still temporary.

I don't know if I would've realized just how much I need to pray if this hadn't happened. Just how much God wants us to depend on Him.

FRIENDs/FAMILY

I want to get specific in this section but truthfully I'm terrified I'll forget someone and I just don't want to risk doing that.

But our friends and family came out for us in a major way. I know some people who don't like church because of the 'people.' I LOVE my church family SO much. For those of you who don't belong to a church home you're truly missing out BUT you don't have too :-) If you live in Cleveland then please visit Providence Baptist Church visit the link to get times and locations.

But our family and friends came out for us in such a huge way, we even got to know more people in the church we may not have met had it not been for this situation. Just to know that people have been praying about Nathan, the cards, the phone calls, the toys, the food, etc. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

I can't say enough about our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins and my neighbors and all of our friends from our hometown! We've had quite a bit of love and support.

I've met so many people at the hospital, the receptionist at the front desk, the people at the cafe, who have become friends and family to us.

Nathan's nurses and doctors, the secretaries, etc. Our lives are better because we know them.

I can't forget the wonderful families I've met who've also been touched by this disease, my buddy in TX who contacted me right away in the beginning and all of my friends here at Nathan's hospital I just love them to death.

I had to label this part 1 because the more I type the more I realize just how blessed we've been throughout all of this, so I have more that I'll include at another time.

God Bless

More Quick Updates

Nathan was supposed to be admitted this week for chemo but his counts are too low for admittance and he's had some mouth sores so he's getting pushed back to next week. We knew there was a possibility of that and at first we were going to try to prolong him until the week after Thanksgiving if that was the case but then we changed our mind and decided to go ahead with him being admitted next week.

We're praying he'll be able to come home Wednesday and not miss Thanksgiving but even if he doesn't that's ok too, we're not too concerned with the holiday at this point we just want to keep him on track with his chemo as much as possible!

Other than that he's acting great. He's been playing, jumping singing etc!!!!

A Good Day

Well I didn't run into Mrs. Margaret yet, BUT I did happen to run into my buddy from the playgroup!

Remember the lady I told you about in an earlier post that encouraged me saying Nathan still has a chance? Well she'd given me her number back then to call her and in all of the madness I lost it and I happened to be out and ran right into her!

Publish Post

I was soooooo happy to see her and her little ones! LOL we were so loud when we saw each other cause it's been so long and her first questions of course were about Nathan. I miss Nathan and Peyton's playgroup so much! It was such a happy reunion and we did exchange numbers and I programmed it into my phone this time so I will definitely keep in touch. She was encouraging as always, it made my day.

God Bless

Updates

Just a few quick updates.

Nathan has gone an entire week without throwing up!!!!! I'm very happy about that. He's been battling a viral infection, but hasn't spiked a fever and has been able to fight it at home.

His mouth sores returned :-(. I noticed him walking around sucking his mouth in a lot so I called him over to see what was going on and inside I saw new mouth sore. He's been on a preventative medication for awhile now and it had been working but he just "broke through" as his Oncologist called it so they started giving him a pretty high dose of medication to knock them back out and it seems to be working.

I just took him in to get blood counts today and found out his counts are extremely low. If he gets a fever right now it'll be a big deal. I already have a sign on the door banning literally everyone from stepping foot in the house except Grandparents and I've even laid strict guidelines for them to follow.

We're so close to the end of his treatment (in January) so I'm just trying to get him through without any serious infections.

Remember I told you that Nathan had cast on his feet so that he would learn to not walk on his tip toes? He wore them for a month and then they came off and finally he started walking flat. Well recently he started easing back up on his toes again we noticed. His Physical Therapist came today and looked at him.

The cast stretched his tendon so technically he doesn't have to walk that way anymore. Before he'd been walking on his toes for so long that his tendon had shortened and he really couldn't walk flat but now that's not the case it's just that out of habit he's going back on those toes. Truthfully we decided we really don't care about toe walking anymore right now and his PT, who is fantastic, agreed. In the grand scheme of things toe walking is an extremely small problem that we're not going to put any more time into at this point.

Speech Therapy is still going good. Nathan is doing a lot better with his pronunciation and I'm really proud of his progress. He's still working on single words. It's such a long process and I've dedicated myself to learning everything I can about Apraxia so I have a ton of resources that will help him too.

Mrs. Margaret

I prayed a prayer recently and I would really like for it to be answered.

I would really love to run into Mrs. Margaret. I'd love to see her at the grocery store or somewhere.

I'll never forget the way we met. I was in the post delivery area the next morning after having Nathan by an emergency C-Section. Mrs. Margaret was one of the nurses and she came rushing in and stepped over me as I was sitting in a chair. I still had the catheter in and she tripped on the tube that was running to the bag. I stood up VERY quick because I didn't want it to get yanked out (that's not easy to do mind you after surgery). Anyway that's how we met, not a very good first impression it would seem, but within hours she was my absolute favorite nurse.

If I had to guess I'd say Mrs. Margaret was in her late 60s. I'm not sure what country she was from but she had the most beautiful soothing accent and was extremely motherly. She took such good care of Nathan, Peyton, and me. She'd make me sit down and just busy herself cleaning the children and the room. She loved her job. As an anxious new mother I remember finding her presence comforting and encouraging.

With both deliveries she told me two things that have come back to me really strong lately. First she told me the story of her adult son that she'd lost to cancer. He was a wonderful son whom she and her husband adored. She said God couldn't have given her a better son. As much as it hurt to lose him, she told me both times that she knows that "God sometimes takes the good ones to protect them" and that gives her comfort when she'd ask why him.

Secondly she told me over and over to have more children. Something that is TOTALLY counter cultural now a days. She would tell me to have as many children as God would allow. She'd only had two and she said if she had it to do over she'd have had a ton more. So she encouraged me both times I was there saying have more children and that they are a blessing from God.

She informed us that she was retiring the year Peyt was born and I had Sam rush down to the gift shop to buy her something. I remember her walking us to our car and giving us hugs as we left with Peyton. Sam and I both really really loved her.

I figured that would be the last time I saw her. Every now and then Sam and I would talk about her but it'd been awhile, but then I was busy doing something the other day and she came to mind.

Everything she said to me has come flooding back. We don't meet people by accident and I don't believe I met her by accident either. I had no idea we'd be in this situation with Nathan but I know God knew and having her as a nurse wasn't an accident.

I could probably call the hospital to see if anyone has kept in touch with her and at times I thought about doing that... But I'd rather just run into her. I know she can offer a lot of wisdom in my situation and I'd really love to hear her voice again.

But if that meeting never happens I'm still thankful that I met her when I did and that she shared her story with me never knowing the impact it'd have just three short years later.

I Need Constant Reminders

Dear Lord,

I need constant reminders lately of who you are and what you're capable of. I long to be close to you right now just because that's where I find my strength and my comfort.

It's been a long year. A really long year. I'm stuck in a weird place right now. I've given everything to you. Everything that is important and that I hold dear is yours.

I've seen a lot. I know of two babies that have gone home to be with you. I've met more families coming in just finding out their children have cancer and I'm having a hard time with that. Everytime I hear their stories I have flashbacks to January and it saddens me that this is happening to other families. The pain of it all still comes back to me even months later.

Everything lately has been a faith walk. I'm scared about what next year is going to bring but at the same time I'm comforted that I can cast those worries and concerns on you.

But Lord, I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to live the rest of our lives in fear. I truly want to live. I want to give those fears to you and just plain live. Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.

I truly don't know what the future holds for Nathan or the rest of our family but I know you hold the future.

I wish other people could know you Lord, I really do. I truly couldn't have made it through this year without you. All the nights I cried, you were there. All the days I didn't have anyone to talk to you were there.

Becoming a child of God didn't make my life easier. But you never guaranteed a cake walk, I was just hoping for one.

But Lord you promised never to leave us or forsake us. In the midst of our trials you have been here. Your promises are true.

When we didn't feel like we could get up, you extended your hand. You've carried this family.

I've learned that my children are not my own. I've learned that in the midst of the worst trials you are with Nathan. When I can't go into some rooms with him, I take comfort knowing you are always with him.

I've learned that EVERY child is a blessing. Someone said to me, that if most people knew what parenting entailed, then they wouldn't become parents. But Lord you gave me Nathan and my life is better because I have him in it. All the trials he's been through, Lord I still love him and I'm so thankful you chose us to be his parents. I wouldn't trade him or Peyton for any amount of money. Thank you for letting a 3 year old teach me so much about life.

I pray that people will accept you as their Lord and Savior. I take great comfort knowing that if something was to happen to my children or Sam that though it'll hurt like crazy, I'll see them again one day.

There is no other way to be saved but through you. Thank you for dying for me. Thank you for dying for my husband and children. Thank you for loving us as much as you do.

Please continue to bring us comfort and strength. I don't want to forget what you've done. It's so easy to forget but Lord I don't want to forget. I really don't want to forget.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Welcome To Holland

I just stumbled up on this beautiful Essay written by Emily Perl Kingsley whose son was born with Down Syndrome in 1970. I was actually reading a blog on Apraxia that mentioned it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Parents of children with special needs will especially love it.

God Bless

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

A New Fear...

The end of Nathan's treatments is finally in sight. In January 2011 he should be done with treatment and I'm praying hard for remission! Actually my prayer is more than that.

Nathan's tumor is inoperable so I was told some of it will always be there but I'm praying that when they look at the last set of scans they don't see anything. I pray they have to wonder, "Where is it?"

I've mentioned this prayer to a few people and their response has been to tell me that would be nice but you know it's highly unlikely that will happen. I want God to prove them wrong so bad. I've even asked Him too. I've begged him to let those people know who He is and that nothing is impossible with Him.

I expected to feel total joy at seeing the end just around the corner. What I didn't expect is this new fear to creep into the picture. As much as I'm looking forward to Nathan being done with chemo another part of me is terrified to see it end.

To many of you this is a ludicrous fear. Totally crazy. But honestly I haven't talked to one parent of a child with cancer who hasn't shared the same fear in one way or another.

As much as I want Nathan to be done with chemo and not have to deal with it's side affects, I have a false sense of comfort while he's getting the medicine. After the medicine stops than the waiting game begins...and that concept is extremely nerve wracking to me.

The doctor has informed me of several things. Believe it or not it's about 5 years after treatment before a person's chances improve of the cancer not coming back. If they make it to 10 years without the cancer coming back then thats even better. If the cancer were to come back shortly after he's taken off the medicine then the doctors will determine that the treatment didn't work and will try something else.

What if he gets a headache? What if another lump appears? You see for Nathan a headache will never be just a headache anymore. A lump will always have to be looked at. Since he's had cancer once, he's at a higher risk than the rest of us to get cancer again. Whenever something comes up with him we'll always go to the doctor hoping/praying that it's not cancer.

Some of the side effects from the radiation and chemo could take awhile to manifest. Because of the location of the tumor, radiation was done very close to his brain. We still don't know what effects that will have on his future.

Chemo has been brutal to Nathan these last two treatments. His immune system is taking longer to recover so he's not bouncing back as quickly as he used to. Right now I have plastic bags strategically placed all around the house in every room that we're normally in. It may look messy if you were to visit but if Nathan says "bag" then there's always one really close to hold up in front of him.

I truly miss our lives before this. Peyton and I were just looking at pictures of our last Christmas...we had no idea what was going to happen less than a month after those pictures were taken. Life seemed so simple then. Cancer wasn't even a thought.

Now I'm truly trying to figure out how we're going to start over. We can't go back to the way things were. I so wish we could but a certain 'innocence' is gone and our perspectives on life have changed.

My dependence and awareness of God has increased and for that I'm grateful. All of these things I'm writing I've taken to him and will continue to take to him. I don't want cancer or the fear of cancer to control our future. I really want to move on.

Some things have gotten better. I've learned what's important and truthfully I think I can let things go easier than a lot of my peers. Outside of this cancer nothing else really rattles me. LOL I'll admit I'm not the person to call if your issue isn't life threatening, I may not be able to offer much assistance. As long as your family is healthy and you have a roof over your heard, well I can't see much past that right now.

I've made life long friends. I'm so grateful for the hospital staff and people who've enriched our lives. I love the families I've met both here and out of state who've also been affected by childhood cancer. I met children with cancer who've changed my life.

I just came across a 13 year old named Jake who was diagnosed with Leukemia in July. He'll be doing treatment for 3 years. He asked Nathan to come sing while he played the guitar on the Wii. He was so kind and encouraging, complimenting Nathan's "singing". I took a ton of pictures. One nurse stopped to watch them as tears fell down her cheeks at the sight of the two of them together. I still say my life is better after meeting all of these people.

Dear Father,

I just want peace about the future. You told me not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

So I'm seeking you. I've learned that I am nothing apart from you. I've learned that you're in control and not me.

I want to depend on you and not worry about this. No matter what happens I want joy to return to this house.

Please forgive me for the doubt and worry that still find its way in.

Lord you know my prayer. You know my every desire concerning Nathan's cancer.

I pray that your will be done no matter what. And I pray for the strength to be able to accept whatever that will is...but Lord I do ask that those scans come back showing nothing...I still want your will but if it's ok I just wanted to throw in my own personal request.

Thank you so much for hearing me. Thank you so much for loving Nathan and my family. Thank you so much for the people you've placed in our lives.

I pray that I always remain close to you even after this treatment has ended. I pray that I remember to pray in the good times as I have been during the bad.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Quick Updates....

Nathan stayed in the hospital for chemo this past Monday. This is the roughest time I remember him having. He threw up a ton in the middle of the night, into Tuesday afternoon.

He's home now. He didn't throw up any on Wed. but just got really sick again today and has been throwing up and just begging to be cuddled.

He did get to make a wish through the "Make a Wish Foundation" and will be going to Disney World next spring if all is well. It was so cute, as soon as the volunteer arrived he announced "Mickey Mouse" to her before she could even sit down lol so Mickey Mouse it is.

He got his cast off his feet and no longer walks on his tip toes. We'd gotten so used to him walking on his toes that it still seems weird watching him walk flat. All the while he never once complained about the cast. Nothing really seems to phase him and I'm so thankful for that.

I'll continue to update as things come together. If all still goes according to schedule he'll be wrapping up his treatment the first week of January 2011...

About 5 of ya'll have called me and believe me I got the messages, I'm going to call back soon, these last few weeks have been pretty busy but as soon as I get a break I'll be calling!

God Bless

Confession time

The Bible says: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" James 5:16

Please be patient with me because being a 31 year old mother of 2, this is very hard for me to admit.

Here it goes...

I LOVE that new Willow Smith song, Whip My Hair!!!!! Seriously I was reading the news the other day and saw Willow Smith the daughter of Will and Jada has a new song out. So I breezed over it. I mean she's a kid and I didn't really care figuring it'd be kind of cute but you know for kids, so I didn't pay attention.

I'll admit I was a huge fan of Will Smith back in the day (anyone remember "Parents Just Don't Understand"?), but again just figured aww that's cute she has a song. So anyhow I clicked on the link to watch the video and felt my head nodding a little bit and by the second listen I was whipping my hair like crazy...

So there you have it. I like it. To make matters worse if someone doesn't intervene on my behalf with prayer I just may download it from ITunes next week when it comes out...I'm just sayin. (LOL and I know it's sad, I even know the day it'll be available...)

Needing Prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really requesting prayer for my neighbor and really good friend. She just found out that her father has stage 4 lung cancer.

She lives across the street from me and her parents are in Louisiana where she's originally from. Right now she's making arrangements to fly down to see her father. She's also pregnant (due around Thanksgiving) so this time is extremely stressful for her, finding out about her father and traveling alone so late in her pregnancy.

I've talked to her and she knows I'll be praying and I'm going to be recruiting others to pray for her.

Dear Lord,

I want to pause right now and pray for Stefanie. Lord I'm asking for you to grant her peace during this time. Lord I know the fear that grips you when you find out someone you love dearly has cancer.

Lord right now she's in that stage where there's a diagnosis, but not many answers around that diagnosis. They're still waiting to find out the next steps and at times that can be the most stressful part.

Lord I thank you for Stefanie. You truly couldn't have given me a better neighbor or friend. Lord her and her family have been by our side.

Lord please, I pray that her father gets through this. Lord I pray for the right words to say to be able to comfort her during this difficult time. Please protect her and her child as she travels.

Lord please be with this family. She needs your comfort.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Happy Halloween

Ok I'm switching gears just for a second.

For some reason this year I'm getting asked quite a bit on my stance on Halloween. How much do we avoid and what do we allow our children to do. Can they go to Halloween parties? Can they look at decorations? Will I buy them costumes? Will they watch any Halloween cartoons? Will they be going trick or treating this year?

Here's my take on Halloween. I don't cover my children's eyes when walking past decorations. I do try to avoid the really dark scary ones...though thanks to some of my neighbors decorations that's somewhat impossible. But no one has had any nightmares so that's good.

Nathan can only participate in select activities because of his cancer, so no we won't be going to any parties etc.

But do I celebrate Halloween? Seriously I've been asked this question quite a bit for some reason over the last two weeks. It seems to be a topic that divides Christians. We all know, or hopefully we know what the holiday really means. So no I do not celebrate it. But I do stand in my door and hand out candy.

Truthfully you'll never hear me getting into huge debates with people if they decided to let their children go trick or treating or not. I think there are bigger things out there to debate then whether I should let my child watch "The Great Pumpkin"

I feel as Christians that's the main day we should have our doors open. What other day do you have dozens of strangers knocking on your door? What a wonderful oppurtunity to witness!!! And the best part is they're coming willingly to you. I believe in giving out bags of candy with tracts in them. I highly recommend the children's tract "Best Friend". Last year Sam and I ordered 100 tracts and prepared 100 bags of candy and gave out ALL of them within the FIRST HOUR. And we only gave out 1 bag per person. That's how many people were coming to our home. I hated we hadn't ordered more.

Matthew 28:19 commands us saying "¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."

We don't know who's coming to our homes. I just went to get glasses from JcPenny's yesterday and as I'm sitting in front of this sales lady it dawned on me, She has no idea I'm the mother of a child with cancer and I have no idea what she can be facing in her life right now. We don't know but God knows.

In this day and age we're hearing of children being bullied, committing suicide, cutting themselves, cursing, dressing seductively...sadly I could go on and on. They need to know about Christ.

I'm telling you the only reason I'm still standing in my situation is because I have hope and my hope rests not in my situation but in Christ alone. Everything about Nathan's situation is uncertain, it looks really good right now but it's still uncertain. But Christ is certain. Please let them know that God told us "that in this world there will be trouble, but that He has overcome this world." They need to know this and we have to tell them.

So open your doors! Give out candy with tracts! Set up a table and hand out Bibles! Be there in case a child needs to pray! Show them how they too can be saved! Pray for God to send someone to you! Pray for Him to give you the right words to say! Because really what good do you do anyone by closing your doors under the guise "we don't celebrate it"?

A quick post

As you already know things change quickly around here.

Nathan has been pretty cranky all day today and really achy. I gave him pain meds this morning and that seemed to help a little.

About an hour ago I put him down for a nap. I then heard him explode with tears about 10 minutes later out of the blue. (that's really out of character for him) I raced back uptairs to see he'd thrown up a TON.

He's not running a fever and after I got him cleaned up and gave him some medicine to calm his stomach, he really just wanted to lay back down. He's asleep now.

I already put in a call to his nurse who's going to talk to the doctor and call me back soon.

He gets chemo tomorrow so he'll see the docs then. Unless he gets worse or spikes a fever I doubt he'll have to go to the ER. I'm just praying he wakes up feeling a little better.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Praise Him

No seriously I have been thanking God out loud all morning. My daughter is getting a kick out of hearing me and seeing me raising my hands and praising our wonderful Saviour!

We got a call this morning that Nathan's tumor has again shrunk significantly since the test last month and that the intensity is measuring low. I won't have the exact numbers until we actually go in and sit and talk with the Oncologist this Thursday and I'm so excited to hear them and look at the comparisons on paper.

But for right now we praise Him! God has been so good and gracious and I'm so thankful to Him for this wonderful report!

Update

Nathan's scans were cancelled today because one of the machines were down. It would've took too long to get it back up and running so his tests have been rescheduled for this coming Friday instead.

Remember to Pray tomorrow

Nathan didn't get the best results back on his last scans, they ended up being considered inconclusive. I didn't share them on the blog because they were pretty confusing.

Anyway they're redoing them tomorrow (well today, it's after midnight here). I'm just asking for prayer for Nathan.

Sam and I have put the entire situation in God's hands once again and for now we're at peace. I've been praying for a total healing for Nathan and I know a lot of you have been too. It's in God's hands.

Dear Lord,

I'm trusting you with Nathan. I know the scans are tomorrow and I'm placing him in your hands once again. I pray over the doctors and nurses involved. I pray that everyone has gotten the proper sleep and have a clear head so they can do their jobs properly.

I pray over Nathan who has to be sedated. I pray that you be with him as he goes to sleep and wake him up gently as you've done every time before. I pray for him when he's alone with the doctors and technicians. He'll be out of my sight but always in yours. Please protect him Father.

Lord I know what you're capable of and you know what I've been praying for all along.

If Sam and I get anxious again over the next week or worried I pray that you remind us again who you are, what you've already done and that you're in control. Lord every time my mind wanders I want to be reminded about who I serve.

Thank you for your word Lord.

Bring comfort to Nathan. I'm still not sure how much he understands or what he thinks about but you know his every thought. Fill him with peace. Guard his thoughts and heal his precious body.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Changing gears a little bit

So I get asked a lot what Sam and I have been up to outside of cancer our hobbies etc. You want to know things we find time to do that are interesting to us. We cry at times but not all the time :-) We still have our interest and I'll share one of mine.

Sam and I both decided on homeschooling for our children so I've been taking time to learn as much as I can about it. When I used to work at the YWCA years ago, we used to get a lot of homeschoolers enrolled in our classes. Truthfully I knew these kids pretty well through coaching but never really paid attention to what homeschooling was about. Also when I was working I had a manager who homeschooled all 5 of his children, again at the time I didn't pay too much attention.

Since Nathan was born it has been something we'd been interested in off and on and I'm no longer in touch with the families from my YWCA days or my old manager but I really wanted more information on it. I found out one of my cousins pulled her 3 girls from school and had been homeschooling for a year and I contacted her and she couldn't say enough good things about it.

So I went to a homeschool conference not too long ago. I'd venture to say there were over 5000 people at the conference. It was a two day conference and had tons of workshops. The nice part about it was most of the parents came with their children and I got really bold and would just walk up to people and introduce myself and tell them my how young my children were and how I was planning on homeschooling and I'd conduct a mini interview with them on the spot.

Everyone I stopped was more than willing to talk to me and I got so many people's contact information. I talked to people who were just starting out along with people who had graduated some children etc. I was delighted to talk to quite a few teenagers and get their perspectives. It was a wonderful experience. There's so many myths about homeschooling that just aren't true at all and it's amazing when you start to research something how much you can learn about it and how so many things you thought can end up being wrong.

It was interesting to learn the pros and cons of homeschooling, what are the success rates of homeschoolers and what makes them successful, also another interesting thing to me was how many former teachers were there who are now homeschooling their children. I'd venture to say over half of the people there used to be school teachers (I'm saying this because during one of the keynote speeches they asked the former school teachers to stand and over half the crowd stood.) Another thing that intrigued me was that the speaker noted that statistically it's usually harder for someone who is an ex school teacher to homeschool than it is for a parent who hasn't taught.

It was interesting because a huge myth is if you haven't been a teacher than how can you homeschool. So during my networking I asked some of my new found friends who were ex teachers why this was and if they agreed with the speaker and I didn't run into one who didn't agree (I didn't ask a TON but I asked a few). The reason is they're used to teaching a certain way to a big group of students. Home classes are smaller and at home you can tailor your lessons to the individual when at school what you teach is general to a whole class and not the individual. And homeschooling is different than schooling which is something most people who don't know anything about homeschooling don't realize (I didn't realize that either). And for those who were teachers they have to do away with most of the methods they used in the school classroom in order to teach at home.

I continue to read as many books as I can get my hands on and I continue to network with people. I've come in contact with a few more people since leaving the conference who are homeschooling (it's actually a lot more common now than people may think). Also Nathan's speech therapist is a huge homeschooling advocate, so she provides us with a ton of information that is so helpful.

Anyway I could write a week long series on what I learned about homeschooling over the last year, I'm in contact with so many people, I have links to so many blogs and a pile of books etc. it's become one of my favorite topics but I won't lol. When our children are older maybe I'll start a homeschooling blog about my experiences who knows.

Also prayer and bible reading has become a way of life for me. I said at times that some positive things do come out of a bad situation and my life has been filled with prayer lately. There's a really good sermon I'm going to post below by Pastor Cymbala of the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York on prayer.

So many Christians don't pray enough and don't know how to pray and I learned from this experience with Nathan that sometimes God will put you in a position where you're FORCED to learn. I liken it to a sink or swim situation and this has been that for me.

It's taken me awhile to get to this point even in the midst of the journey it's taken me awhile and I'm still growing but I've grown to love talking to God all the time. Taking all of my fears to Him.

No offense to anyone who've tried but the greatest comfort from a dark situation can come only from our Savior. If you're in a dark situation there's nothing wrong with calling people but I promise you, no one will be able to comfort you like Christ. Read his word and call out to him.

A good book I recommend is Traveling Light. I read it years ago but pulled it off my bookshelf recently to read again and it's just a wonderful book.

God Bless

Going to the Airport

So this is a story that I must share. Today Nathan went to an event called Wings of Wonder at the airport. It was absolutely wonderful.

We met the founder, Maria and her father and her story blew me away. Maria had her pilot's license and was on her way to becoming an Air Force pilot. She was preparing to leave for basic training when she got the cancer diagnosis that halted her plans. In 2003 she started Kids in Flight. She said all of her troubles always seemed so small when she was in the air and wanted to share that experience with children and their families with chronic illnesses.

Her story is so touching because it shows how God can redirect our lives. Maria thought her calling was to fly in the military but God had another plan and now she's helping tons of families just like ours.

It's funny because lately Nathan has been heavy into helicopters and has been running around the house with a toy helicopter. Then this past Monday he found a toys r us magazine that came in the mail and began begging for a train and a helicopter.

Well fast forward to today as soon as we get to the Wings of Wonder event there was a wonderful train exhibit where the children were allowed to work the trains and blow the horns etc. You should've seen how Nathan's face lit up. Next a helicopter flew in and landed right in front of him!!!!! He was literally on cloud nine!

There was so much to see and do! And in a few months Nathan gets to go back for his very own plane ride! I cannot wait to see his face!

I'm so thankful to Maria and her family for this event. It was amazing. As we were leaving Maria invited us to a fund raiser that was held this evening. Since Nathan's counts are ok and the crowd was full of people who understood the compromised immune system thing we accepted! And I'm so glad we did. It was an amazingly uplifting event. A lot of the volunteers from the afternoon were there (most of them were family members). And Nathan and Peyton were able to play with balloons and there was a live band and they were dancing and squealing. It was amazing.

Honestly I'm struggling to put into words our experience today. Sam and I said on the way home that we didn't even know how we were going to explain to people what happened today and the impact it had.

We spent a lot of time just talking to people who genuinely care for other people. The humbleness of this family was unbelievable. We definitely plan on keeping in touch and they told us to let them know if there's anything we need and honestly after a such a wonderful day full of great memories I told them I don't know if there's anything else they can do.

After this cancer experience is over a part of me wants to run and never look back. To erase cancer from our vocabulary and never speak of it again. Then another part of me strongly wants to do something for someone else but I'm not sure what. I don't think I necessarily want to start something of my own, there's so many great organizations out there that I wouldn't mind volunteering for, so I don't know if I need to start anything on my own or not. Like I said a part of me want to run but at times when I talk to another mother who just had a child diagnosed my heart goes out to them and I get flash backs of first hearing the news and in my heart I feel their pain and literally I've learned to care and love people like I never have before this. These families need support so I don't know if God will let me just walk away when it's all over.

Being in this situation is different, being forced to think about the mortality of your own child is hard and these kind of events are so important. It takes you out of your reality and for a moment you just forget everything and have fun. There were games, Nathan and Peyton sat in a helicopter and the cock pit of a plane. They won prizes. There were so many fun things and when you have a child who's usually restricted as to where he can go, days like today are so valuable. If it wasn't for organizations like this our days would be spent going to hospitals with very little outside fun. But because of this organization we're able to escape our reality.

Maria and her Dad provided so much hope for us. Her Dad was able to offer encouragement to Sam, father to father. We've been to several events like this since Nathan's been diagnosed and been put in these positions where we are so thankful to the people who held the event and we are so thankful to them.

So today I just say thank you Lord for a wonderful day. I thank him for being able to meet this family. The people I've met along this journey have changed my life. Seriously if I could I would one day love to blog about all of the people I met and share their stories but due to privacy issues I won't do that but I wish I could. They've changed me, all have inspired to me and our lives are so much better because I've met them.

Please check back over the next week, I took a ton of pictures but haven't been able to upload them yet but I want to share them.

God Bless

Just some random thoughts.

My comfort in my suffering is this;

your promise preserves my life.

Psalm 119:50

Last weekend was pretty horrible, I was a bag of water works, crying most of the day Saturday into Sunday. I'd be doing dishes and tears would well up and begin to fall and the least little thing would trigger it.

I prayed and I took my cries to God saying "remember how you heard Hannah when she prayed to you? Well please hear me!" God always shows up when I pray, it's not always immediate but He still gives me comfort in little ways and I really yearned for His comfort this past weekend.

After praying that prayer I went and got my Bible to read I Samuel I believe in seeking God in prayer but to hear His voice I turn to His word. I came across the familiar passage of Hannah saying if God would just give her a son then she'd give him to the Lord all the days of his life. And I had to pause there. For some reason it just struck me of how Hannah prayed and then her reaction to God's gift.

I've had to keep giving Nathan over to the Lord. I did it again this weekend and I know when another tearful day comes up then I'll do it again and honestly when I remind myself that he belongs to God first and that God is still in control of this situation then I feel better.

I also read how Hannah rejoiced after giving Samuel to the Lord. She was happy! She praised God knowing she wasn't going to raise the son he gave her not even knowing if she'd have more children. The gift she yearned for she gave back and look how God used Samuel!

Already God has used this experience with Nathan to show me a lot of things.

I knew that Nathan was fantastic before but my respect for him as a parent has soared. God has showed me how to handle a difficult situation with grace just by watching him.

And any of you who truly knows Nathan knows he has what I like to call a quiet strength. He's an observer, if he sees something once he'll figure it out, he's always been the kind of kid who doesn't need things repeated over and over, if he sees it once I can guarantee as a parent he's got it. He learned his routine at the hospital really quick and he adjusted to this new life quicker than I did.

I pray constantly that Nathan and Peyton will love each other and remain close as brother and sister and just recently I noticed what an amazing big brother he is (it also helps that he has an awesome little sister ;-). But he helps her when she falls, I'll be in the kitchen and just hear "you alright Peyton?" Although they fight occasionally, he's really good at making sure she's taken care of, he makes sure she gets a piece of what he has and if he has a toy in his hand then he makes sure she has a toy in hers.

I've been a stay at home mother for almost 4 years now and most of those were spent on the go, from one play group to another and for the first time since Nathan was born we spent the entire year just at home. We've come up with a ton of things to do around the house and at times I felt would be nice if I could take him somewhere, but that's just me, if Nathan has Peyton here and some toys and books than he's good, that alone makes him happy.

I can't tell you how many people I've met who are going through or have been through the same or very similar circumstances with a chronically ill child who've touched me. I had a talk with one of Nathan's nurse who's been in Oncology for a very long time and she told me it never ceases to amaze her that the majority of the families that she's come in contact with who've been afflicted with child hood families have been the nicest people ever. People who you look at and go "why them?" And I have to agree with her. These people have become my family and my friends. Although we all wish we would've met under different circumstances I will proudly say my life is better because they're a part of it now and I'm so blessed to know them.

I've created a ton of memories over this past year. A ton of little things I store away in my heart watching both Nathan and Peyton. I try not to worry about the future. God told me tomorrow will worry about itself. At times I still get scared and lonely because this experience is truly like we're on an island but then I remember that I'm not alone that God comforts me and I can go to Him for that comfort and He rises to the occasion.

Updates

Hi everyone, here's some really quick updates.

First my friend's little guy has been moved out of the ICU!!!!!! Thank you all for your prayers, he's still in the hospital but he's out of the ICU and we're happy about that!

Nathan got his results back and well we're seeking a second opinion right now on what we should do moving forward. I'm not really going to share them on this blog not because I don't want you to know but they're quite confusing and I don't want to leave you all thinking, 'huh?' I'll just say they were half good and half what we didn't want to hear.

We still trust our medical team but it doesn't hurt to seek an outside opinion which is what we're going to do. Right now Nathan is set to undergo testing again in 4 weeks instead of the standard 15 so his medical team can keep a closer eye on things.

Last week was pretty confusing and honestly kind of hard but again moving forward we're trusting God with our son and truthfully not worrying about it. All four of us are together right now and that's really been my focus lately and what I truly care about.

There's a song I just heard recently that's kind of become my motto. I'm not a country western fan but I've fallen in love with the lyrics of the below song. Now don't get all worked up when hearing it because right now Nathan is still doing ok but even before his results I've kind of taken on the below song as our household anthem and we've just been living life lately. We're limited in where we can go and what we can do but we live it up anyway!

My Blessing

Through all of this you've been my blessing

There's a song called "If I could"

that talks about what a mother would do for her child "if only she could"

and that song speaks volumes when it comes to you and your sister.

I would take this from you if I could but God didn't leave that up to me.

I never knew I could love this much

and I never knew I could learn so much from a three year old.

Through this journey you've taught me what it really means to be strong.

In your three years you've put up with more than I've dealt with in my thirty-one.

I've learned how to take things as they come and roll with the punches from you.

I've learned how to laugh through pain,

I've learned how to keep going even when I don't feel like it.

And I've learned this all from watching you.

I've learned what it means to get back up after being knocked down.

So many people have tried to teach these lessons yet I've learned it best by watching you.

I admire you so much.

And I'm so proud of the little boy that you are.

You are the sweetest, brightest boy I know.

God gave me a son that is so perfect for me.

It saddens me to know that I don't think I would've been as strong as you if placed in the same situation.

I don't think I would have handled such an illness with the grace that you've shown.

Watching you have blessed me.

You refuse to be down and even now you've beaten all odds.

Your father and I just heard another man talk who had radiation aimed at his head and throat as you did and he described it as feeling like "fire."

He said he could not eat or drink anything no matter what it was.

The doctors showed me your X-Rays and your throat was full of blood,

yet you were still standing and though it pained you to do so you chose to eat even when it hurt.

You went from having a huge lump, to having an eye that literally would not move and a face that was half paralyzed.

You went through radiation that burned the entire left side of your face

and though I noticed when people gawked at the sight,

it didn't seem to phase you

Your throat was so swollen the doctors didn't think you'd be able to finish your radiation...yet you did it.

You were able to walk when the doctors said your pain was so great you needed morphine. You've been though more than any child should have to go through and yet you're still standing...still standing.

You amaze me, you really do.

I'm so very very thankful to have you for a son.

You're my blessing.

Risk Benefit

Lately we've been having visitors popping over and I love getting company but some come from pretty far away (like over an hour...). The problem is...Nathan still can't really be around people. Sam and I LOVE having people over and so does Nathan, we really do but right now is really not a good time for it.

I'll explain a few things that I may not have explained before in this blog, I can't remember but I'm going to address them really strongly here. I'm going to tell you point blank as Nathan's doctor told us: "If Nathan gets a cold it could kill him." This is no joke or exaggeration. Something as minute as a cold can literally kill him.

Nathan's nurse describes it as a risk/benefit. Meaning it's a benefit to see people and to let Nathan be around those who love him but every single time ANYONE outside of his immediate family (me, Sam, and Peyton) is around him it's also a huge risk to his health.

With flu season just around the corner I really want to address this now because when that time comes we won't be permitting anyone in except his grandparents when they are well. Sam and I will be spending the upcoming holidays here alone with the children. Please don't feel sorry for us because we don't feel sorry for ourselves. God willing we'll be with family again for these holidays next year and in the years to come but to us it's a small sacrifice to keep Nathan safe and in our opinion it's not worth the risk especially knowing that the situation is temporary. Even when Nathan stops getting chemo and is considered to be in remission it's still going to take a little while for his body to recover so please don't make plans of visiting anytime soon after that.

As Nathan's treatment progresses his blood counts will continue to get knocked down and take longer to recover and that is happening to him now. When his blood counts are low it lowers his ability to fight off infections. When you or I get a fever, what do we do? We take Tylenol or some other antibiotic right? If Nathan gets a fever he CANNOT be treated at home he needs to be taken to the emergency room and it's VERY hard for his body to fight it off.

For those of you who've seen him lately, you've complimented how great he looks and he really does. I'm so thankful and happy for how happy he's been and how he's been playing and running and jumping etc. I'm agreeing with you now that he is doing very well for a little guy with such a rare form of cancer and I want that to continue. Nathan's nurse stresses over and over not to let how he looks deceive us and I don't want it to deceive you either. We're on the right path, things are going great but any infection can mean a major setback for him and if he gets sick the illness comes on QUICK. The last time Nathan had to be hospitalized with an infection he was outside playing and acting fine all day then around 7:00 pm he asked to lay down and within a half hour he had a fever and after that we were on the phone with the doctor and en route to the ER and admittance. It can come on that fast.

Please please please start calling before you come over. There are times (though they are very rare now) that he can have company and we will welcome you (as long as you're well) during those times. I just have to put this out here because as awkward as it is for you to receive the news that you can't come in it's also very awkward for us to have to tell you, especially if you drove a distance but you will leave us no choice, we cannot take the risk anymore.

Please try to understand we are not trying to be mean and we're not blowing anything out of proportion. This is still a SERIOUS situation and we're nearing the end of Nathan's treatment. Prayerfully if everything continues to go well he'll be done with his treatment around the beginning of December! The end is near and we're praying hard to hear cancer free and we just really don't want any infections if we can avoid it because he's so close.

There are rare times when Sam or myself will receive company but when we do this the other takes Nathan away so he's not around the person visiting, they'll go outside or Nathan will stay upstairs. But again we need you to call ahead (NOT when you're en route either) and let us know you want to come over so we can tell you if it's a good time or not.

Soon this will all be over and we'll be able to have visitors over and we'll welcome you with open arms believe me. I know everyone reading this blog have been praying and I can't tell you how much we appreciate it and I do know that everyone visits with only the best intentions and you all love Nathan very very much and we appreciate everything you do and have done for us so please join with as again and help Nathan by calling before you come.

God Bless

LaToya