I Need Constant Reminders

Dear Lord,

I need constant reminders lately of who you are and what you're capable of. I long to be close to you right now just because that's where I find my strength and my comfort.

It's been a long year. A really long year. I'm stuck in a weird place right now. I've given everything to you. Everything that is important and that I hold dear is yours.

I've seen a lot. I know of two babies that have gone home to be with you. I've met more families coming in just finding out their children have cancer and I'm having a hard time with that. Everytime I hear their stories I have flashbacks to January and it saddens me that this is happening to other families. The pain of it all still comes back to me even months later.

Everything lately has been a faith walk. I'm scared about what next year is going to bring but at the same time I'm comforted that I can cast those worries and concerns on you.

But Lord, I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to live the rest of our lives in fear. I truly want to live. I want to give those fears to you and just plain live. Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.

I truly don't know what the future holds for Nathan or the rest of our family but I know you hold the future.

I wish other people could know you Lord, I really do. I truly couldn't have made it through this year without you. All the nights I cried, you were there. All the days I didn't have anyone to talk to you were there.

Becoming a child of God didn't make my life easier. But you never guaranteed a cake walk, I was just hoping for one.

But Lord you promised never to leave us or forsake us. In the midst of our trials you have been here. Your promises are true.

When we didn't feel like we could get up, you extended your hand. You've carried this family.

I've learned that my children are not my own. I've learned that in the midst of the worst trials you are with Nathan. When I can't go into some rooms with him, I take comfort knowing you are always with him.

I've learned that EVERY child is a blessing. Someone said to me, that if most people knew what parenting entailed, then they wouldn't become parents. But Lord you gave me Nathan and my life is better because I have him in it. All the trials he's been through, Lord I still love him and I'm so thankful you chose us to be his parents. I wouldn't trade him or Peyton for any amount of money. Thank you for letting a 3 year old teach me so much about life.

I pray that people will accept you as their Lord and Savior. I take great comfort knowing that if something was to happen to my children or Sam that though it'll hurt like crazy, I'll see them again one day.

There is no other way to be saved but through you. Thank you for dying for me. Thank you for dying for my husband and children. Thank you for loving us as much as you do.

Please continue to bring us comfort and strength. I don't want to forget what you've done. It's so easy to forget but Lord I don't want to forget. I really don't want to forget.

In Jesus Name

Amen