The entire first year was ROUGH. We had to learn a totally different way of living. I've never been frugal because truthfully I never had to be but suddenly I had to learn and it was not easy for me to learn it. But without going into detail I can proudly say that we paid off more bills during that first year and a half then we ever did on two salaries it was still VERY hard to do and there were a quite a few bumps in the road, but we did it. By the time Peyton was born Sam had been blessed with increases at work and truthfully we were back to living pretty good. Oh and we learned how to live without credit cards (thank you so much Dave Ramsey!!!!!!!).
Why am I telling you this? Well I'm trying to set the scene I guess. It'd take all day to write a post on the nitty gritty details of that first year and a half. And truthfully we didn't know why God lead us in this direction and allowed us to have such hardships but neither Sam nor myself will ever deny the fact that it's what we felt God wanted us to do. I caught a lot of slack for being at home and it wasn't even because of what we were going through financially. Truthfully at the time we didn't tell anyone how hard that financial adjustment was. It wasn't until we were financially stable that we began sharing it a little. I caught a lot of slack because staying home in this day is really against the norm.
Now I can't argue whether a woman should work or not. In this day in age two incomes are almost needed to stay afloat. I understand that and with all the criticism I was getting I couldn't explain to people that this is truly what I felt called to do. And it was ironic that God lead us in this direction. I got my Bachelors in Computer Information Systems and for years after college I worked jobs I could care less about and then the week I got the job I always wanted, I found out I was pregnant with Nathan and then the internal struggle began. I loved my job, I loved my boss and the people I worked with. It was a great environment to work in. So why would God want me to leave it behind?
But being home has been the most fulfilling thing for me. Just this summer Sam and I were talking and looking back over the rough financial period we went through and I remember him saying, he'd do it all over again and I agreed with him. And again I couldn't explain to people that this is what God called me to do. I'm not talking about women even because when I would say that people would jump down my throat with the whole women's lib talk. I'm talking about me, LaToya - Sam and I prayed on it and being home is what I was meant to do.
Then Nathan gets cancer in January...You see God wasn't blindsided by Nathan's illness. Sam and I were but I truly believe God wasn't. Sam and I wondered why God would allow us to go through such a rough financial period and honestly before Nathan's cancer we were sailing. Life was great. Our bills were in order, we even have a savings! We figured out how to do this without struggling and then cancer. Sam and I don't understand much about why Nathan got cancer and a lot of things we'll never understand but we truly feel we understand this part of it.
"Aren't you glad you're home?" I've heard that a few times since Nathan's diagnosis and I don't think people can ever realize how glad I am that we listened to God's guidance back then. Had Nathan's cancer hit now, I would've had to quit my job immediately to take care of him. The only thing smooth about this whole diagnosis is that I was home already. We'd already set up this house around Sam's income and we'd had three years to make this set up work and it's been working well. Sam and I don't want to imagine how it would've been if we'd got a cancer diagnosis and on top of that tried now to live on one income, though we've talked about it and can't imagine how that would've worked.
This post isn't to say that every mother is to quit their job right now and go home. It also isn't suggesting that every mom is home because their child has the possibility of getting an illness in the future. It's just to say if you're ever in a situation where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is leading you in a direction (and sometimes that direction is uncomfortable) then don't be afraid to do what God's calling you to do.
I still don't like the fact that Nathan has cancer but truly there are situations like these where I have to give thanks. We didn't have to figure out who was going to take Nathan to his appointments, I didn't have to worry about a job, or losing income suddenly and for that I can't tell you how thankful Sam and I are. Quite a few of the families on Nathan's floor have one parent at home, either the mom or dad and as one mom told me "you have to be." And she's so right but sadly the economy is such that still others have to work and I know they feel torn and you do see young children and babies left alone. I remember the first week Nathan was in the hospital seeing a young girl around 11 pm roaming the halls. She was no more than 7 but she was there alone and I remember a nurse telling her "honey you have to stay in your room." I also remember seeing a 1 year old sitting behind the nurses station alone. One week when Nathan stayed he had a young room mate and I remember the doctors telling him they couldn't do anything until his mother got there and I remember this young child calling her telling her she had to come back out to the hospital. And let me stress to you these aren't bad people necessarily. Of course sadly there are cases of neglect but you can't just assume that's the case every time you see a child left alone. You don't know if it's a single parent home, or if the parents have to work. A lot of these people LOVE their children and it hurts them deeply to have to leave them on the cancer floor (or anywhere in the hospital I'm sure) but they truly have to work or have other children at home with no where to put them etc. and they need a lot of prayer.
Dear Lord,
I've been doing a ton of complaining lately and for that I'm sorry. But Lord I am thankful. I can complain all I want about having to go to these appointments with Nathan and it is hard to go, but Lord I'm sorry for not realizing the blessing in me being able to go. Lord you positioned Sam and me to be able to be there, every time Nathan has to go to the hospital we can take him. And Lord I never have to worry about leaving him alone to be somewhere else. When Sam and I found out Nathan was sick I didn't have to call and explain to anyone or report to anyone, you put me in a position to be able to concentrate on our son and his care. Lord forgive me for not acknowledging this sooner.
Lord thank you that my mother is home and Peyton's able to be with her and my father. Lord I'm comforted knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that they'll protect her in the same manner Sam and I would-with their very lives if need be. Thank you for Sam's manager being so supportive of Sam in this situation. Thank you for the flexibility he has at work.
You worked this out Lord and I thank you so much.
Lord I pray for the families that have to leave their children to handle other obligations for whatever reason. Some of these families don't want to do this and I know it has to hurt and who knows the criticism they may get from people who aren't in their shoes. Lord my heart goes out to them, it's hard enough having such a sick child but Lord I can't imagine the pain and guilt they must feel. Lord please comfort them and send them help. Lord they really need help. Before Nathan's cancer I didn't know about this world. I knew children with cancer were out there but I never knew what the families went through and I'm learning more and more every day.
Please continue to blanket Nathan with your comfort. Lord those first set of scans are coming up and I pray that this tumor goes away, in the mean time ease his pain and give him peace.
In Jesus Name
Publish Post
Amen
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