Nathan has begun radiation!!! I can't tell you how amazed I am at this little boy. He's adapted to this new life so quickly. Today they asked if he wanted to ride in the bed down to radiation or in his stroller. Usually he's put to sleep before going to radiation but today he got to ride down awake, sitting up. He did fantastic!!! He just smiled the whole way down, there's a few ramps they go up and down while transporting and they run a little when pushing the bed up a ramp and he loved that.
Nathan actually seems to like going to the hospital. He gets so much attention and he leaves with so many toys.
And his appetite has improved. He ate 4 chicken legs today along with 3 of the stage two gerber peaches.
He's very helpful too, he's learned the routines. He puts the monitor on his own little finger he holds his arm up high for blood pressure and even higher for his temp. He hops on the scale when told and sometimes the nurses let him push his own liquid into his port. He's very happy he remembers.
There's no tears about going to the hospital and no fears when the doctor comes in only excitement. He usually can't wait to see the nurses.
Lord thank you so much that Nathan has adapted so well to this new lifestyle! Thank you that he's not afraid. Lord we again pray for you to deliver him from this disease. Thank you for Nathan's smiles right now.
In Jesus name
Amen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Poem
I just wanted to share this poem one of my husband's aunts sent it to us and it is beautiful. I'm not sure who wrote it.
I just got word that one of my aunts died suddenly today of cardiac arrest, please pray for her children and grandchildren.
In The Valley I Grow
Sometimes life seems hard to bear
Full of sorrow, trouble, and woe,
It's then I have to remember
..that it's in the valleys I grow.
If I always stayed on the mountain top
..and never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.
I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.
I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through
My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.
Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow
Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.
Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I just got word that one of my aunts died suddenly today of cardiac arrest, please pray for her children and grandchildren.
In The Valley I Grow
Sometimes life seems hard to bear
Full of sorrow, trouble, and woe,
It's then I have to remember
..that it's in the valleys I grow.
If I always stayed on the mountain top
..and never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.
I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.
I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through
My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.
Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow
Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.
Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Who Are These People????
"Nathan and Peyton can you come here please? We have to talk. I don't know how to tell you this...can't think of any way other than to just say it. It's about your grandparents. You know how they're always giving you stuff and letting you run free and smiling all the time? Well a long time ago, before you were born, those same hands that give you candy, used to whoop."
Sadly this is a conversation we're all going to have to have with our children one day so we have to prepare and practice for it the same as we do the birds and the bees conversation. We want our children to enjoy grandma and grandaddy but after awhile envy will set in. Even though we're adults we'll still see stuff and go "I wasn't allowed to do that." And we try to let our children enjoy themselves and form their own opinions but at some point we're going to break down and tell the truth.
Now my Dad is a very truthful man, although I question the validity of his stories about my dear sweet grandfather. He claims he was disciplined. Yeah right that guy wouldn't hurt a flea. I have such wonderful memories of him!!! I watched Michael Jackson at the Superbowl over his house and he gave me all the peanut butter cookies I could eat. So nice!!!! I bet he was that way his whole life.
Then my mom's Dad, so brave I remember him killing a spider with his bare hands!!!! Supplying me with all of the candy I could eat! I bet he never even raised his voice!
A lot of you have been wondering where Peyton has been spending time. Well she's in Warren with my parents. I dropped her off yesterday and witnessed her take off running through the kitchen, into the dining room, around the coffee table, back into the dining room and end up back in the kitchen!!!! And Dad smiled about it!!!! Who is this guy????
One day I'm going to tell her the truth. And I'm sure this cycle will continue, it's the worst payback a parent can give their child. You get taught structure your whole life by parents who for some reason feel the need to raise you right. Then you have your children and these same parents become unrecognizable and you try to tell your kids "how it was when we were coming up" and "you're not allowed cookies all day because I wasn't allowed cookies all day" but they brush us off because they go to see their grandparents and these people couldn't possibly have withheld sweets!!!!! I think there's a Bible verse on this but I have to search for it:-)
Dear Lord I come thanking you for my parents and their willingness to take Peyton in. I thank you she's with them, people who'll not only spoil her but love her because they love me. Now Lord give Peyton comfort Lord. Help her to continue to grow into the little girl you'd have her to be. And thank you for my parents who saw fit to raise me not as I wanted but how I should be raised (I put that part in there to score extra points:-). Grant me wisdom and guidance to be able to be good parents to my children as well. Thank you that in this difficult situation there are still so many good things coming out of it!!!! Help Peyton to continue to enjoy her grandparents, help her to continue to learn from them so that one day she can tell some wonderful stories about them, the same stories I tell about mine.
In Jesus Name
Amen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sadly this is a conversation we're all going to have to have with our children one day so we have to prepare and practice for it the same as we do the birds and the bees conversation. We want our children to enjoy grandma and grandaddy but after awhile envy will set in. Even though we're adults we'll still see stuff and go "I wasn't allowed to do that." And we try to let our children enjoy themselves and form their own opinions but at some point we're going to break down and tell the truth.
Now my Dad is a very truthful man, although I question the validity of his stories about my dear sweet grandfather. He claims he was disciplined. Yeah right that guy wouldn't hurt a flea. I have such wonderful memories of him!!! I watched Michael Jackson at the Superbowl over his house and he gave me all the peanut butter cookies I could eat. So nice!!!! I bet he was that way his whole life.
Then my mom's Dad, so brave I remember him killing a spider with his bare hands!!!! Supplying me with all of the candy I could eat! I bet he never even raised his voice!
A lot of you have been wondering where Peyton has been spending time. Well she's in Warren with my parents. I dropped her off yesterday and witnessed her take off running through the kitchen, into the dining room, around the coffee table, back into the dining room and end up back in the kitchen!!!! And Dad smiled about it!!!! Who is this guy????
One day I'm going to tell her the truth. And I'm sure this cycle will continue, it's the worst payback a parent can give their child. You get taught structure your whole life by parents who for some reason feel the need to raise you right. Then you have your children and these same parents become unrecognizable and you try to tell your kids "how it was when we were coming up" and "you're not allowed cookies all day because I wasn't allowed cookies all day" but they brush us off because they go to see their grandparents and these people couldn't possibly have withheld sweets!!!!! I think there's a Bible verse on this but I have to search for it:-)
Dear Lord I come thanking you for my parents and their willingness to take Peyton in. I thank you she's with them, people who'll not only spoil her but love her because they love me. Now Lord give Peyton comfort Lord. Help her to continue to grow into the little girl you'd have her to be. And thank you for my parents who saw fit to raise me not as I wanted but how I should be raised (I put that part in there to score extra points:-). Grant me wisdom and guidance to be able to be good parents to my children as well. Thank you that in this difficult situation there are still so many good things coming out of it!!!! Help Peyton to continue to enjoy her grandparents, help her to continue to learn from them so that one day she can tell some wonderful stories about them, the same stories I tell about mine.
In Jesus Name
Amen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, February 19, 2010
God still hears
So Nathan had a rough night last night out here as you can tell from my post.
The hospital was pretty full and he was put in a room with a 17 year old. Nathan didn't go to sleep until 1 and they woke him up all night, so he'd wake up screaming and crying. I was not only concerned for Nathan but for the other young man in the room. Poor guy has to share with a three year old, what a HUGE age difference!!!!
This morning I peeked my head on the young man's side to see how him and his Dad slept. Immediately they started asking about Nathan. Turns out their names are Dave and Dave Jr. (same as my Dad and brother:-). Dave Sr. said he heard Nathan crying and it tore at his heart and he prayed for him last night!
Dave Sr. then said after praying he got a good feeling about Nathan's situation, he's not saying he knows the outcome, he can't see future but he said he has a good feeling.
The thing about it is I could see the sincerity in their voices. Dave Sr. said that he remembers when his son was that little and he's really close to his son, when he heard Nathan crying he wanted to help and decided to pray for him.
Wow Lord, thank you so much that while I was stressed out over Nathan's problems and my issues you saw fit to put me in the room with fellow believers. They heard the need for prayer and took the time to look beyond their issues and pray for Nathan on the other side of the curtain!!!!! Lord so many people have been praying for Nathan but at 3 am I'm sure most of them were at home sleep. I needed comfort last night, Nathan needed prayer and you saw fit to have us placed in a room with these two men who call you Lord.
Father I now come praying for David Jr. I pray that you touch his liver and heal him. Lord I thank you that despite having heart problems as a child you carried him this far. I thank you that he has a father in his life who loves him very much. Lord I pray for David Sr.'s fiancé who is going to be having some serious tests done, Lord I pray that everything comes back negative. I pray over their upcoming wedding Lord bless this wonderful couple!!! Lord I also thank you for Dave Sr.'s soon to be mother-in-law who stopped over to check on Nathan yesterday and today, who also took time to encourage us in your name. Give her safe travel back to Sandusky. Touch that family Lord! Remove all illness from them!!
In Jesus name
Amen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The hospital was pretty full and he was put in a room with a 17 year old. Nathan didn't go to sleep until 1 and they woke him up all night, so he'd wake up screaming and crying. I was not only concerned for Nathan but for the other young man in the room. Poor guy has to share with a three year old, what a HUGE age difference!!!!
This morning I peeked my head on the young man's side to see how him and his Dad slept. Immediately they started asking about Nathan. Turns out their names are Dave and Dave Jr. (same as my Dad and brother:-). Dave Sr. said he heard Nathan crying and it tore at his heart and he prayed for him last night!
Dave Sr. then said after praying he got a good feeling about Nathan's situation, he's not saying he knows the outcome, he can't see future but he said he has a good feeling.
The thing about it is I could see the sincerity in their voices. Dave Sr. said that he remembers when his son was that little and he's really close to his son, when he heard Nathan crying he wanted to help and decided to pray for him.
Wow Lord, thank you so much that while I was stressed out over Nathan's problems and my issues you saw fit to put me in the room with fellow believers. They heard the need for prayer and took the time to look beyond their issues and pray for Nathan on the other side of the curtain!!!!! Lord so many people have been praying for Nathan but at 3 am I'm sure most of them were at home sleep. I needed comfort last night, Nathan needed prayer and you saw fit to have us placed in a room with these two men who call you Lord.
Father I now come praying for David Jr. I pray that you touch his liver and heal him. Lord I thank you that despite having heart problems as a child you carried him this far. I thank you that he has a father in his life who loves him very much. Lord I pray for David Sr.'s fiancé who is going to be having some serious tests done, Lord I pray that everything comes back negative. I pray over their upcoming wedding Lord bless this wonderful couple!!! Lord I also thank you for Dave Sr.'s soon to be mother-in-law who stopped over to check on Nathan yesterday and today, who also took time to encourage us in your name. Give her safe travel back to Sandusky. Touch that family Lord! Remove all illness from them!!
In Jesus name
Amen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Dear God
Dear God, where is my child? How can one little person change so drastically within a month? Where's the little boy who begged to go to Gymboree? Where's my child who couldn't get his shoes off fast enough at play group?? Where is he? Where's my child who begged to go to playgrounds, who jumped at the chance to be outside? Lord where is he, cause I can't find him. Lord please tell me this will be over in 43 weeks. Please reassure me he's going to overcome this and afterwards what will his life be like? He's changed so much already. Lord he's only three!!! Why put such a young child through something like this?? What did he do??? Why him??? And why do we as parents have to watch? Please bring back peace. Lord you haven't lost control just help me not to worry or fear. You love Nathan, right? You feel this pain too right??? I know you're all powerful, all knowing, but I just don't get it, I really don't agree with this situation. We were supposed to be going to Disney World in March, Nathan would've loved it. He's three Lord...I'm trying to understand right now but I just don't get it...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Setbacks
I still trust God but I'll be lying if I didn't admit my set backs. I had a serious one Tuesday night and yesterday. I decided to go back out to carepages.com to 'check' something. Big mistake. A lot of my strength came in avoiding sites like those and I'd been doing good at that. My plan was to go out to read one thing but I ended up clicking around in it. Carepages.com seems to be a site for cancer patients (and many other illnesses I'm sure) but a site to go and find other peoples stories that are similar to ours.
I LIVED on carepages when we first got the diagnoses. I only set up an account but I spent time reading other peoples stories...but after reading several it became overwhelming and decided to take a break from it. I then noticed my mood lifted. I starting focusing on God's word again and found peace in it and was doing good.
So I don't know why I went back out there on Tuesday night but I did and it's at times sad, often depressing. I was actually about to read the Bible but decided to take a 'quick' look. It's amazing how quickly our mood can change when we look away from Christ to get answers elsewhere.
It reminds me of Matthew 29:25-31. Remeber when Jesus approached his disciples walking on water and they became afraid and the ever eager Peter said "Lord if it is you call me to you". And the Lord told him to come. Unbelievably Peter then too walked on water!!!! Can you imagine that??? Have you ever tried walking on water? If not try it in the tub tonight, see how far you go. But Peter was doing it, but then he began to look around...he heard the wind around him, he panicked and began to sink. He then cries "Lord help me." And the text says (NIV) immediately Christ reached out his hand to save him asking Peter, " you of little faith why did you doubt?"
I still have doubts at times, I don't doubt God's power but sometimes I do question if Nathan will be one that the Lord heals and that thought still hurts me. What will I do without my little man. People keep telling me about an awesome testimony we're going to have...I don't want this testimony.
Nathan couldn't sleep Tuesday night so I went in and rocked him, singing "Jesus Loves me". We also played a little and he was laughing hysterically (at 11 pm mind you:-). It was wonderful and it sounds negative but at times I do question how many nights I may have left. To see him and Peyton play together sometimes makes me sad.
It's hard to feel peaceful at times and when I take my eyes off of Christ it's almost impossible. I know what we want but still question what we'll get.
I'm at the hospital now, I have a love/hate relationship for this place, the people are wonderful and I made some lifelong friendships but at times I get mad that I met them this way...
I want all of our stories to have a happy evening.
Nathan's hair is starting to fall out and I get mad at that. I dread him getting chemo and radiation and I ask that God doesn't put him through these weeks especially if he's going to take him anyhow.
We were all supposed to go to Disney World in March. He should be running and playing not coming for Chemo treatments and radiation!!! He's only three!!!!
Lord I come to you highly upset and downright frustrated. Why him??? You could've let this happen to me, so why him. I'm already 30 and have seen a ton more than him. Lord I beg you for a healing, remove this cancer, let the chemo shrink it and the radiation burn it!!! Get this out of his body, please Lord. Step in and deliver Him. Lord let him grow old. Help me to once again focus my attention on you Lord. You promised you'll never leave us or forsake us. Carry Nathan through this Father. If this is to be his testimony then so be it Lord I just want him to be the one telling it. Lord once again give me peace in this storm. Remind me daily of my need for you. Lord before Peter began to doubt he was walking on water. I can do the impossible when I put my faith and trust in you but at times I need reminding. Remind me daily Lord who's in control since I tend to look away and Lord please help us to remember how much you love and care for Nathan and that you haven't left and never will.
In Jesus name
Amen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I LIVED on carepages when we first got the diagnoses. I only set up an account but I spent time reading other peoples stories...but after reading several it became overwhelming and decided to take a break from it. I then noticed my mood lifted. I starting focusing on God's word again and found peace in it and was doing good.
So I don't know why I went back out there on Tuesday night but I did and it's at times sad, often depressing. I was actually about to read the Bible but decided to take a 'quick' look. It's amazing how quickly our mood can change when we look away from Christ to get answers elsewhere.
It reminds me of Matthew 29:25-31. Remeber when Jesus approached his disciples walking on water and they became afraid and the ever eager Peter said "Lord if it is you call me to you". And the Lord told him to come. Unbelievably Peter then too walked on water!!!! Can you imagine that??? Have you ever tried walking on water? If not try it in the tub tonight, see how far you go. But Peter was doing it, but then he began to look around...he heard the wind around him, he panicked and began to sink. He then cries "Lord help me." And the text says (NIV) immediately Christ reached out his hand to save him asking Peter, " you of little faith why did you doubt?"
I still have doubts at times, I don't doubt God's power but sometimes I do question if Nathan will be one that the Lord heals and that thought still hurts me. What will I do without my little man. People keep telling me about an awesome testimony we're going to have...I don't want this testimony.
Nathan couldn't sleep Tuesday night so I went in and rocked him, singing "Jesus Loves me". We also played a little and he was laughing hysterically (at 11 pm mind you:-). It was wonderful and it sounds negative but at times I do question how many nights I may have left. To see him and Peyton play together sometimes makes me sad.
It's hard to feel peaceful at times and when I take my eyes off of Christ it's almost impossible. I know what we want but still question what we'll get.
I'm at the hospital now, I have a love/hate relationship for this place, the people are wonderful and I made some lifelong friendships but at times I get mad that I met them this way...
I want all of our stories to have a happy evening.
Nathan's hair is starting to fall out and I get mad at that. I dread him getting chemo and radiation and I ask that God doesn't put him through these weeks especially if he's going to take him anyhow.
We were all supposed to go to Disney World in March. He should be running and playing not coming for Chemo treatments and radiation!!! He's only three!!!!
Lord I come to you highly upset and downright frustrated. Why him??? You could've let this happen to me, so why him. I'm already 30 and have seen a ton more than him. Lord I beg you for a healing, remove this cancer, let the chemo shrink it and the radiation burn it!!! Get this out of his body, please Lord. Step in and deliver Him. Lord let him grow old. Help me to once again focus my attention on you Lord. You promised you'll never leave us or forsake us. Carry Nathan through this Father. If this is to be his testimony then so be it Lord I just want him to be the one telling it. Lord once again give me peace in this storm. Remind me daily of my need for you. Lord before Peter began to doubt he was walking on water. I can do the impossible when I put my faith and trust in you but at times I need reminding. Remind me daily Lord who's in control since I tend to look away and Lord please help us to remember how much you love and care for Nathan and that you haven't left and never will.
In Jesus name
Amen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Gaining
So you know how some people tend to lose weight when going through something...well I'm the total opposite. And it just occured to me that when this whole ordeal is over, I'm going to be as big as a house! I'm not starting this journey as a small woman to begin with. lol I get asked if I've been eating, unfortunately the answer is yes...i've been eating a little too well and a little too much. Sam's been eating good too but for those of you who know my husband, know he doesn't gain much...I wish I had that problem (trying not to covet here:-). Weight Watchers is going to get their money's worth when Nathan is healed.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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