I'm reading an interesting chapter in James Dobson's book "When God Doesn't Make Sense" (a must read by the way). Dobson uses the story of the disciples in the boat, you remember the one where a furious squall came about and the disciples became afraid and Jesus was asleep in the boat while this was going on. The disciples woke Jesus up asking Him to save them, before quieting the storm Jesus said to his disciples, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"(Matthew 8:23-26). Did you catch what I just said? BEFORE the storm was calmed Jesus says "why are you so afraid?"
Dobson gives a good commentary, he says "fear and faith do not ride together in the same boat. And He wanted them (the disciples) to trust Him even when facing death."
See this is why I love the word of God so much, though I've read that passage many times it just struck me that Jesus questioned them before calming the storm.
Our storm isn't over, it's actually still ramping up yet I'm amazed at the amount of peace Sam and I have been given. A lot of things about that story sticks out to me. Jesus then rebukes the storm and the disciples had to wonder in amazament who this man was that even the winds and waves obey him (Matthew 8:27).
I look at Nathan's cancer realizing that God is so powerful, He can speak to those cancer cells making them go away and they'd have no choice but to obey Him. He spoke this whole world into existence. As we're going through this chemo and radiation I constantly remind myself of who's the captain of this ship.
As I learn more about this cancer I've totally dedicated Nathan to Christ. Trusting Him with our son's life and actually it's brought me some relief. I can sleep again, smile, laugh, move ahead. I'm not leaning towards my own understanding anymore.
So many wonderful things have happened already, Nathan's eye is doing so much better. At times it almost look normal. I try to make going to the clinic a fun experience and Nathan seems to look forward to going there and since I know how vital this place is to his recovery I've been changing my attitude about going to. I'm actually thankful to be in Cleveland now, our hospital is amazing, and despite the circumstances I'm glad to have met the people we've met. I can't say enough good things about the medical team, I just thank God for them and pray for them.
Nathan has been doing pretty well the last few weeks, he gets tired more than he used to but that's to be expected. Peyton really keeps him going, I'm so thankful for that little girl and her innocence in this situation. We treat Nathan so delicate, yet she still whacks him with her foam sword :-)
Lord I just thank you Father for watching over Nathan. Lord, he's come such a long way since this started. I thank you for University Hospitals, I thank you for the Doctors, nurses, LPN's, child life specialists, and the secretaries. All of the people involved Lord I thank you for them and again Lord I lift up Nathan before you, I place him in your care Lord, I pray that you heal his little body. And Lord it's hard for me as his mother to always know what he's thinking but you know him better than me. You created him and you know him. I pray that you be his comfort as he goes through this, give him peace Father, remove any fear his little heart may feel. Go with him as he gets radiation. Take control of the doctors and nurses who'll be working on him. And Lord help us to continue to seek you first in everything we do. In Jesus name!
Amen
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