Peyton is doing wonderful! Honestly I've heard horror stories about siblings and how they handle their sibling being sick. I was actually intrigued by this Ashton Kutcher video and his reaction to his twin brother being sick:
I've heard stories worse than this when it comes to siblings reactions, some kids are just really sad and can't figure out how their brother or sister can get sick, some feel guilty that it isn't them, some feel helpless and blame themselves for the illness, some get jealous because of all the attention their sibling gets, some actually blame their brother or sister and feel it's their own fault their sick and begin to hate them...the scenarios can go on and on.
So when Nathan was first diagnosed with cancer so many things swirled through my mind and at the very top was Peyton and her well being. We didn't know what we were facing but we were point blank told by our son's pediatrician that, "the journey was going to be hard and the road was going to be long."
It gave me a headache in the beginning (still does honestly) trying to figure out this new schedule of hospital stays and doctors appointments, most of which are unpredictable and since it was the winter, siblings were only allowed on the floor once a week for 3 hours a day because the risk for infection was too high. Even when Peyton came to visit she was given her own exam at the door, if she had any sniffle or fever then she wouldn't have been allowed on the floor.
I didn't know what I was going to do, most of you know that I made the decision to come home right when Nathan was born. Now though I was faced with a dilemma. Sam still had to work and though he works from home several days out of the week, those of you who've worked from home know that you can't get anything done unless someone is watching the children. Also I had to be at the hospital a lot and Peyton couldn't come. I called my mother and in conversation told her I was at my wits end because I didn't know what to do. I really didn't want to put Peyton in daycare on a whim, nor did I want to hire some unknown babysitter and even though Nathan was really sick I always had the perspective that I'm a mother of two not one and Peyton's well being was always just as important for me. She'd been home since birth changing that out of the blue wasn't something I wanted to do especially since she'd be doing it without her sibling joining her. So my parents called and volunteered to keep her WHENEVER we needed them too. I should note that my parents live over an hour away so this was a big deal, keeping her means she would have to stay the whole week sometimes or longer.
This was such a huge weight off of our shoulders. I was able to tend to Nathan knowing Peyton was being taken care of and surrounded by unconditional love and because my parents are always 'on the go' I knew she would be exposed to so many things which was also good so I was able to relax in this area.
Peyton seems to be adjusting quite well. We're pretty open about Nathan's illness around here. We don't harp on it but we try to explain it to them the best we can. For awhile it was pretty common for Peyton to play doctor on her dolls. She knows what medicine is now and she understands that Nathan gets shots. As a matter of fact she's the 'look out.' When Sam and I are preparing Nathan's needle she runs to alert him that a shot is coming, I'm not sure if he put her up to that or not.
The fact that Peyton is only two has a lot to do with her being so unaware, she understands a lot but her nor Nathan for that matter can fully comprehend the seriousness of the situation. I'm pretty grateful for that. I've heard stories of when older kids are diagnosed who understand what cancer is and what the outcome can be and have some heavy questions that their parents can't answer and me nor Sam have been put in that situation because of Nathan and Peyton's age and that's been a blessing.
Peyton brings me unspeakable joy. I love listening to her talk. I love watching her play with her brother. She pats him on the back when he cries and shares her toys with him. She's also into saying "I'm sorry" when she needs too, the other day she bumped him by accident and I heard "Sorry Nathan, Sorry" and it was the cutest thing because her voice is so small. I do get sad at times when I watch them play as I pray for God to heal Nathan, I wanted them to be best friends and I truly feel their pretty close. Yes they do fight like all siblings do but I can honestly say they play together really well and seem to enjoy each others company. When Peyton's away at my parents Nathan usually goes looking for her when he wakes up in the morning until I tell him she's at Grandma's and when Nathan is at an appointment it's common for Peyton to say "Mommy where's Nathan?"
I promise to share more on Peyton in the future from time to time because people do always ask about 'Miss Peyton' as she's so affectionately called now. But just wanted to let you know she's doing great!
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