Reflections

[Name], do you take [Name] to be your wedded [husband/wife] to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep [him/her] For better orworse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to [him/her] so long as you both shall live...

I'm going to totally switch gears just for today and tomorrow I'll be back on topic with Nathan's cancer.

Sam and I spent a great deal talking over the last week, leading up to our anniversary today. For some reason we've been interested in looking at what wedding vows say. When we first went on our date in 1995, we never guessed we'd be married 7 years later. We were 15 and 16 at the time and went on one date (December 9, 1995) but broke up soon after (lol there's still disputes over who initiated that breakup), only to reunite 4 years later and get married 3 years after that. When we look at those old high school pictures one thing we always say is "who would've thought?" Who would've thought that young man would one day become my husband? I looked at those pics so many times over the years, when I was 16, 17, 18, 19 and didn't know I was looking at the man God had chosen for me.

Now we look at them saying not only who would've thought we'd get married but who would've thought we'd be parents of a child with cancer. I was recently talking to a close family member who just started dating and hasn't reached the engagement or marriage stage yet and I told him really look at the person you're going to be spending life with, because you have no clue what that life is going to bring you. A friend of Sam's from the Philippines asked him why do so many American marriages fall apart. Last I knew our divorce rate was 50% for first time marriages, thankfully Sam and I didn't have an answer for him but he was really curious as to why we as Americans don't take vows seriously. My only answer I guess is when we say those vows we really don't know what they mean at the time of us saying them. And that's what Sam and I have been on this past week.

When we said "Sickness and in Health" we meant each other, and we still mean that because we have no clue what the future holds, but we never at the time thought that could mean a child. When you tell people about a sick child some ask how Sam and I are doing, and that's a valid question because a situation like this can put a strain on everything. Truthfully we're doing fine but I've witnessed families that are not because it's so hard.

I thankfully grew up with many fine examples of marriage, both sets of grandparents were happily married, and so are my parents. I grew up not being able to relate to divorce, it was like a foreign language, sure it was all around me but not close enough to have an impact on me because all of my close examples had happy marriages, so I grew up with the belief of marriage is for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for sickness and in health, in fat or skinny (lol I had to add that), till DEATH do us part. I'm not going to get into the abuse aspect and when you should leave etc, etc, that's not what this is particular post is about.

I'm really happy to celebrate 8 years with Sam today and I pray for many many more with him. I guess I wanted to shift gears and write this post about marriage today, not to sound conceited or anything but I think marriage should be lifted up as much as possible. I see so many shows about how and why men and women can't get along, and how do you find a good man or woman and I never see anything positive about marriage. I know marriage is hard and we all can give examples of friends and family members who are married and not making it. Sadly when I talk to some people about marriages they always see the negative and not the positive. It's very hard to make anything worthwhile in life work, if you want to be a entreprenuer then it's going to take HARD work, if you want to be the BEST in your field it's going to take HARD work, if you want your children to succeed in life it's going to take HARD work. If you want a marriage that's going to stand the test of time it's going to take HARD work.

So if you're engaged, read over the marriage vows with your soon to be husband or wife, I'm kind of against changing the traditional vows because in my opinion they're the most realistic, in marriage you're going to encounter some, if not all of what the vows speak to at some point or another. If you're married take the time to read over the marriage vows again and recommit yourselves to your spouse.

Dear Lord,

I just thank you today for Sam and for 8 years with him, and although this storm we're in really stinks I'm just so grateful you chose him to be the one to go through this with. I pray that you continue to strenghthen our marriage. I pray that we can both resist temptation in whatever form it may come. Even though the road is rough right now I pray that we continue to remember to look to you first, each other second, children third. I thank you for the children you've blessed us with, I wouldn't trade Nathan or Peyton for anything, thank you so much for them and I pray that our marriage will continue to stand the test of time, that one day we'll be in the paper celebrating 50 years :-)

In Jesus Name

Amern

Powerful Men

A lot of you have asked how Sam is handling this with Nathan and right now he's at peace. He said he totally put it God's hands and he's at peace with that. It really hurt him of course. Nathan is our first born and honestly when we found out he was a boy I don't think I ever saw a bigger smile on that man's face. They mow the lawn together, shovel the snow together, work on projects together. I remember before Nathan was born Sam said "I'm gonna take him everywhere" and he does. He went to get the oil changed when Nathan was about 6 months and said that while the oil was being changed Nathan went to the restroom so he pulled him out of his seat and changed him right there in his lap during the oil change, something the mechanics said they never saw before. One of the best pictures we have was when Nathan was born and Sam was leaning over him, it's one of my best memories. And today this post is going to take a little different approach because I want to talk about Sam.

I don't know why but today when we were leaving the hospital I was walking behind two men. The were probably 60+ years old, very well dressed (nice jewelry etc.), both were pulling laptops. Something about them gave me the sense that they probably held powerful positions. I don't know why that thought came to me but for some reason it did immediately and it made me think, wow I have a powerful man in my life. My husband exudes powerful and I just wanted to share what powerful means to me and how it relates to him.

Provider: Sam has been an AMAZING provider. I truly believe that it's the man's responsibility to take care of a woman as good as or better than her father did (taking in account if the woman has a father or father figure in her life). I know I'm old fashioned in that way and I'm not against women holding high positions (please don't twist what I'm saying), but no matter how high our positions are I believe it's the man's job to provide for his family. I must say Sam is so wonderful at that. I literally don't worry about finances or meals etc. If there's a need in our house that needs to be met and he says he's going to handle it, I believe him, end of discussion.

After the shock of getting Nathan's diagnosis we of course starting looking at how much this is going to cost us. I remember when Sam checked online with our insurance company to see how much the bills were so far that the hospital had started submitting. He came and told me $100,000 and 20% would be our responsibility...mind you this was for one procedure. Of course I was very rattled but I remember us hugging in the kitchen and Sam said in his calm even matter, "don't worry about it." And to be honest with you I didn't after that.

You see I can add to this "P" in powerful, because not only is Sam a great Provider but he's also a man who Prays. When he said that he'd handle it I got comfort mainly because I know Sam is going to consult Christ for guidance. A few days later Sam came informed me that our deductible is $3700 per year, meaning that every year we're only responsible for up to $3700 per person in our household. Once the bills exceed $3700 then the insurance kicks in and covers 100%!!!!!

So did I mention too that P can also stand for Praise???? Because that's what me and Sam did after we heard that news!!!!!!!!

Observant: I keep getting compliments telling me how a mother knows her child and I appreciate that, it's a true statement, no denying that, but at times I get kind of upset at the lack of recognition our fathers get, especially fathers like Sam who are so involved in their children's lives. For those of you who don't know, Sam discovered Nathan's lump first. And it was Sam who made the initial appointment. Also it was Sam's observance of Nathan's eye not moving correctly that got us to this diagnosis. I've told people this and I'm going to repeat it. The third time Nathan was taken to the hospital, I truly believe that if Sam hadn't told the doctor to get in front of Nathan and make him follow him with his gaze I think we still would've been delayed in getting to the hospital. It was that action, taken by Sam that got this ball rolling. He's just as involved in our children's lives and I'm so thankful for him being so aware of what's going on.

Wise: Ok trying not to brag, but Sam is very wise to me. I'm not putting him on Solomon's level (though I bet they'd have a ton to talk about :-). I always like watch and listen to him handle business, such as paying bills or talking to the doctors and nurses. I know that sounds silly but he's very intelligent to me and the questions he ask are sometimes some I hadn't thought of. And he's very polite, never rude or nasty towards people but he still speaks with a certain authority that I just love (pretty sexy I might add).

Exceptional: Sam is one of those naturally intelligent people. You know one of those kind who just "gets it." While the rest of us has to study hard or never really figure out the method to studying at all he just gets it the first time or has such good study habits that it clicks faster than it does the rest of us. But I'll be honest having an exceptional person for a spouse can be kind of annoying at times lol he can explain the most difficult concept like it's very easy which tend to drive me nuts. But I must say this trait came in very handy in college. We both majored in Computer Information Systems and Sam was really good, getting A's in most of our computer classes and most classes called for us working in groups or with a partner. Sam was a sought out person in these classes cause he was known for catching on quick. I ALWAYS had him as a partner though because he was my boyfriend at the time!!!!

Rare: Sadly in this day and age a black man like him is extremely rare. A man who is faithful, who comes home after work and doesn't party on the weekends with his boys, a man who knows how to fix things (cars etc.). A man who has a good job, bringing stability into our home. A man who spends time with his children because he wants to. Oh and he can cook!!!!!

When I see so many horror stories about black men on TV I get angry. I know statistics don't lie but goodness there are some really good black men in this world who don't get enough credit. But looking at statistics I know he's rare but he's so wonderful.

Faithful: Sam and I have been married since 2002 and before that started dating in 1999 and throughout all of these years I've never once had to question his fidelity or wonder about it. Sam and I believe in praying for strength for each other in the area of faithfulness.

Besides being faithful in that area he's faithful in keeping his commitments. Since Nathan started his treatments we've told the nurses we'll do our part, such as keeping appointments and having Nathan's medicines etc. We're committed 100%.

Unique: I can't think of many people I can compare Sam to, he's definitely in a class of his own. One thing I like about our son Nathan is that I see a lot of Sam's traits in him. Nathan pays attention to detail and he's quiet as well. I like watching the two of them working side by side. I've never met a child quite like mine, I can't compare his personality to anyone at all other than his father. Nathan has a way about him that is a lot of fun, I'm happy when the doctors and nurses see it and I can proudly say "he's just like his father."

Loving: This brings me to the last letter in Powerful and it stands for "loving." Sam loves the Lord, he loves me and he loves our children. I was talking to a friend of mine recently and told her that Saturdays are my day to sleep in and this particular Saturday both children woke up at 7:30 am and Sam usually takes them in the basement so that I can sleep but that day decided to pack them up and ride to our nearest Hardees (which is about 45 minutes away). He just put them in the car in their PJ's and off they went. This is normal in my house and maybe I take it for granted because her reaction was "how many men would do that?" Sam does this kind of thing all the time. He truly loves spending time with Nathan and Peyton and I enjoy our time together.