Starting a New Journey!!!!!

First I just want to really thank everyone who followed this blog all last year.

If I didn't have this 'outlet' to write and vent and share my true feelings I seriously don't think I would've made it through this ordeal!

I'd stated in a previous post that I plan on ending this blog at the end of this cancer journey and I'm sticking to that. I really want to close this chapter of our lives. I'm not sure if we'll ever have to reopen this book again, I sure hope we don't but if we do I'm sure God will give us the strength and encouragement to face it.

Right now Nathan is in remission. He's laughing, he's active, he's playing and we're so thankful! (His hair is growing in even again too!!!)

I'll leave this blog out here in case someone else stumbles on it and wants to get in touch with me. Just leave a comment and it'll come directly to my email. If any parent faced with the same news ever stumbles on this and want to contact me, please do not hesitate, I would find it a joy to talk to you, to pray with you and to encourage you so please by all means send me a message.

Hearing your child has cancer is ROUGH, it's so hard, there's so many emotions you go through...just indescribable. But God says

⁹ ... “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

And it's important to note that Paul wrote that as he was dealing with a "thorn in his flesh." Paul begged God three times to take it away from him but instead God allowed him to go through it and assured him that His grace is sufficient.

Let me tell you from experience the word of God is true. It's the living word and I'll step out on a limb and say that it really is all you need to get by. God can do for you what others cannot do. As wonderful as the doctors are you will learn very quickly in a situation like this that they don't have all the answers.

But God does. Psalm 139:16 says, ..."all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

God is in control, please trust in Him. I do understand it's going to throw your faith for a loop, it's going to challenge everything you believed in. It's going to make you wonder how in the world can God be good and allow this to happen!!! I wrestled with all of this. At times I truly felt God wasn't real, I felt he wasn't there and I truly felt he didn't care. Life was just unfair.

In the end I'm thankful for this past year. If God hadn't put our family in this situation I wouldn't have asked some of those tough questions. I'd honestly gotten to a point in my faith where I almost gave up. I couldn't understand why this happened and I did want to walk away and say "God doesn't care."

But instead I began to seek Him and I came across two videos by Lee Strobel, The Case for Faith and The Case for Christ . I HIGHLY recommend watching these, whether you're a new believer or a "seasoned saint." You can stream them online if you have a netflix account or if you don't, leave me a comment and I'll buy them and mail them to you, I recommend them that much.

God has become more real to our family through our suffering than He ever was when things were normal. When I surrendered everything and I mean everything to Him is when He became the most real to me. And I began to depend on Him in ways I never had to before.

There was NO ONE who could guarantee that Nathan was going to make it another year let alone ever see remission and truthfully there still isn't ANYONE who can guarantee that he'll stay in remission.

It's a very tough place to be. We take so much pride in being able to solve our own issues that we tend to forget how much we really need God. And when put in a position where the only thing I could do was cry out for help is when I saw God's work the most. I understand where 'peace' and 'joy' and true 'help' comes from. I could only find it in God's word.

I thank God for Nathan. I thank God for entrusting him to our care. I don't know if he'll live to see his adult years or if God will decide to come for him sooner but for just allowing him to be a part of our family I'm so grateful.

I thank God for His comfort. I thank Him for His grace. I thank Him for allowing us to be able to witness Him in action.

May God's peace be with all of you. I love you, and I thank God for you.

God Bless

Remission is here!!!!

⁷ He spreads out the northern skies over empty space;

he suspends the earth over nothing.

⁸ He wraps up the waters in his clouds,

yet the clouds do not burst under their weight.

⁹ He covers the face of the full moon,

spreading his clouds over it.

¹⁰ He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters

for a boundary between light and darkness.

¹¹ The pillars of the heavens quake,

aghast at his rebuke.

¹² By his power he churned up the sea;

by his wisdom he cut Rahab to pieces.

¹³ By his breath the skies became fair;

his hand pierced the gliding serpent.

¹⁴ And these are but the outer fringe of his works;

how faint the whisper we hear of him!

Who then can understand the thunder of his power?”

Job 26:7-14

I am so pleased to announce that Nathan is in remission!!!!! I cannot tell you how elated and happy we are. I'm so thankful to God, I just can't tell you the emotions I've been feeling.

Dear God,

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!

I cannot explain what this all means to me and our family! Lord I do not understand your ways. When I heard that Nathan's PET scan came back looking great I was humbled. I've seen so much last year and I know that our family isn't deserving of such wonderful news.

Lord I don't know how you pick and choose, your ways are so beyond me. You never cease to amaze me.

I'm thankful and most of all I'm speechless.

Lord thank you for Nathan's healing!! Thank you so very very much.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Updates

Today at clinic, Nathan's doctors took him off of all of his medicines except one that he'll have to take for about 6 months!!!! This is so exciting for us!!!!!!

We're looking at either January 27th or 28th for his scans to see if he's in remission. The doctor said based off of his past history it's looking good.

Nathan enjoyed a wonderful Christmas!!! The doctor said in a few months we can resume any activities he enjoys!!!! He can also return to church in a few months!!! Yay!!! Though I'm not sure how he's going to act because he's been out of church so long, he's not really used to having to sit still.

I'll post more updates toward the end of January after the scans!!!! Remember no news is good news :-)

I Will Find A Way - Fred Hammond

I just love this song and wanted to post it. God Bless

He's Done

I can't put into words what we're feeling right now. Nathan is officially coming off of treatment!!!!! His last day of chemo was yesterday and today he's home!!!! I'm so excited!

I can't gather the emotions I've felt. I've been in really good spirits. I sat down on Wed. night and just reflected on how this all began, in January Nathan was in a ton of pain and couldn't even move his left eye at all. Diagnosed with stage 3 cancer the doctors couldn't even tell us anything except the medicine they were going to try. They couldn't guarantee anything.

I've seen a lot this year and I have to thank God over and over. We don't have a declaration of remission yet and I'm not going to worry over the future. For now I'm just glad to be celebrating this present milestone.

It's been a long year, we said goodbye to the people on the floor today and had a mini celebration full of gifts and hugs. I almost got emotional when the resident walked in who sat with me the first week of Nathan's diagnosis, a ton of memories came back.

It's bittersweet. I've spent a ton of time on that floor and I genuinely love the staff and families like my own family. I've hung out in the hall at the desk many times at midnight and beyond talking to them and laughing when Nathan was asleep, I'll truly miss them. It was funny because as we hugged we knew as much as we all loved each other we never wanted to see each again at least not on that floor :-).

Dear Lord,

I thank you. As weird as it may sound to those who may not understand I thank you for what we went through this year. It drove us to our knees in ways I never thought were possible. I thank you for the hard times, I thank you for the good times. I thank you for the lessons learned.

The most important thing to me right now Lord is that we don't forget. I've been reading the Old Testament lately in Leviticus and Numbers about the grumbling and complaining of the Israelites. It seems so stupid to me. They saw all the plagues in Egypt, they literally saw a sea part right in front of their eyes yet they still grumbled and complained against you.

Lord I don't want to become them. I don't want to forget this ordeal. I saw you in action throughout this year. I've kept my sanity this year thanks only to you. You've been my strength and my comfort. You've changed my entire perspective and I don't want to go back to the way I was before. I want to continue learning and growing and I truly want this family to be used by you.

In the end let your will be done.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Welcome to the North Pole!!!!!!

Nathan had a wonderful time!!!!!! Unfortunately he didn't make it into any of the news shots :-( he was off somewhere when I was on talking!

Happy Birthday Nathan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nathan will be 4 tomorrow (December 6th)!

Seriously at the beginning of this year I didn't know if Nathan would make it to see his birthday but by God's grace not only has he made it but he's doing really well!!!!! Thank you Lord!!!!!